Ryan's Guide to Life

And so begins podcasting for ratards

2009-08-28T21:33:00.001-04:00

This will be my new thing to post to the blog. It's like a podcast, but short and not to the point whatsoever.

Listen!

Sometimes I wonder why stupid people are still on the planet...

2009-06-17T11:21:00.000-04:00

and then I realized that if they continuing doing things like this they'll eventually weed themselves out.

they need a tide stick

2009-06-17T10:15:00.003-04:00

I haven't posted anything in a while so in honor of that, here are three cute and cuddly polar bears.

Most of you will wonder why this is funny...

2009-05-25T11:24:00.001-04:00

The rest will be cracking up at it.

A Thought on Getting Stimulated

2009-05-17T20:07:00.000-04:00

I think that the reason we haven’t started to see visible improvements in the economy can be traced back to two things: politics and patience.

Politics: I’m going to be drawing some relevant comparisons so bare with me. Many historians believe that the cause of the great depression was the cost of WWI and the promotion of buying on credit, along with an uncertainty of the future economic success of the country. This caused the runs on the banks and the crashing of the stock market. Jump to today, where we are fighting a ridiculously expensive war and a changing of the face of politics and what it means for the government to control aspects of our day to day lives (patriot act, gitmo, wiretapping, blackwater.)
When the new deal was enacted, congress did everything they could to help Roosevelt and passed whatever he put before them. The country had a “can do” attitude that was nothing but working towards the good of the whole for the betterment of the nation. Everyone pitched in to accomplish this goal and now, almost 70 years later, things they put into place are still functioning. Things like FDIC, social security, the fair labor act, the FHA and the SEC still help grease the gears of progress. If you compare that attitude to today, we look like jerks. Congress is bickering and drawing lines in the sand, based upon party lines not doing what is best for the people they represent. Companies were practicing some of the most unethical things imaginable and standing with their hands out wanting help when the house of cards they built comes crashing down around their ears.
And then there’s us. We wonder why the sky is falling and all then world is coming to an end, until American Idol comes on and then all of our troubles float away. We should have seen this coming. We can’t just be complacent and keep our heads in the sand until something goes wrong and the demand blood because we were to busy surfing youtube.

Patience: we live in the greatest time in the history of the world. We live in a time where I can hold a device in my hand and talk to someone ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GLOBE. This same device has access to any information you would ever need, instantly, or as long as we have bars. My point being that we need to be a little patient with the stimulus plan.
When the money is coming from the top down, and everyone is pulling there share on the way down, it’s going to take a while to see any results. Let us remember “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Now that being said, giving billions of dollars to companies that obviously don’t know how to run a successful business was one of the dumbest ideas I’ve ever heard of but none the less, let’s give it a little time before we start getting out pitchforks and torches.

The Truth About Stimulus Payments

2009-05-13T20:20:00.000-04:00

"Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus
Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China . Your children are
expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
"A. Shut up."

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs
and Al Queda

If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras , Chile , and Guatemala .

If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea .

If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India.

If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan.

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Because I don't know when to quit...

2009-05-11T23:42:00.001-04:00

this is funny. plain and simple.

My wife thinks I should write a cook book

2009-05-08T08:23:00.000-04:00

I though after my last post, I might post something a bit more “civil.” so after much clamoring and ball busting here is the secret Lewis family lasagna recipe.

Ingredients.

1 pound of ground hamburger
1 pound of mild Italian sausage
1 bag of mozzarella cheese
1 bag of “pizza” cheese (it’s what it says on the bag)
1 large container of cottage cheese
1 container of parmesan cheese (the powdered shaky outty stuff)
1 box of lasagna noodles
2 jars of spaghetti sauce (whatever kind you wish)
Optional onion
Garlic powder
Italian seasoning
Oregano
A “big ass” pan

Set the oven to 350. Put on a big pot of boiling water and when it’s rolling, throw in the noodles and let them bad boys cook. Brown the hamburger and sausage together while your waters going, then drain and put back into the frying pan. At this point dice your onion and add in a few shakes of each of the spices, put in what you like, I like a lot. Then mix in your sauce and meat into a BIG bowl, like enough to hold a big salad. From here I put boiling water in the sink and fill it with cold water, you’re good when the noodle are about room temperature.

You’re going to need a large pan, about the size of the pan you cook a turkey in. you’re going to either feed 12 people, or have leftovers for eight months depending on your level of popularity. I layer my lasagna like this

Sauce mix
Noodles
Cottage cheese (super scientific measurement: spread around a handful.)
Shredded cheese (spread out enough to cover the surface)
Shaky cheese
Sauce mix
Noodles
Rinse and repeat.

You will probably get three or four layers of noodles deep and you’ll be near the top of the pan. Save lots of shaky parmesan cheese and pizza cheese for the top. Cover the top with the cheeses and throw into the oven. Let it cook at 350 for about 45 minutes.

It be done at the point where you look at and say ”I don think it be done yet, maybe get it mo done fo a bit mo” (for some reason I turn black when I cook, I assume everyone does. Anyways, when it looks almost done, take it out. Leave it on the counter for about 5-10 minutes to cool and settle. Cut and enjoy.

Next recipe: Pot Roast!!

Hail Mary, full of somethin'

2009-05-03T17:03:00.001-04:00

Today I went to a catholic mass for the first time for my niece’s first communion and it was an experience I will not soon forget. This may weave back and forth and seem a little discombobulated but I’m trying to cover everything I saw.

First off let me say that I have nothing against anyone who is catholic. You are a follower of Christ just the same as me and in reality as long as you follow what SCRIPTURE says that you should we should all arrive at the same party. That being said here’s how it went down:

We arrive and step into the sanctuary and the first thing that you notice is that it is massive. This place makes apex look like a hole in wall compared to the size of it. The next thing I notice is all the crap everywhere. There are crosses and cups and boxes and thrones and organs and pulpits and tables and chairs and crosses and candles and lanterns and crosses…and this is just the stage. The organ alone was the size of a movie theater screen.

After we find our seats I see that there are three books in front of us in the book holder thing on the back of the pew. Also attached to the pew was a fold out knee rest for those that want to be serious bout some prayin. I opened the first book to check out the Bible, because I’ve always heard that the catholic Bible has more books in it the standard Bible. Alas it was a hymn book. I opened the second book, it was also a hymn book. I knew that the final book was too small to be a Bible, and I was correct, It was another hymnal.

By this time the priest has walked in carrying the largest Bible I’ve ever seen, and I don’t mean in thickness, I mean in size, it was like 30 inches by 20 inches and he held it over his head the whole time. Everyone stands and sings a song and then the priest sing-talks a psalm which was the first thing that freaked me out. He sounded like a monk. And since this post will take forever to cover everything I saw, I’m just going to go over likes and dislikes.

Likes

The Priest: the priest was named father Satish and to my surprise was a young Indian man, rather then a old white dude. He interacted well with the children who were known as the “first communicants” and was engaging. We were there for over an hour and his sermon was only 10 minutes long but what he talked about I enjoyed. He spoke to the kids about something that I found to be completely unbiblical but the main point he was trying to make was heard loud and clear, “accepting Christ into your life is the most important thing that you’ll ever do.” I couldn’t agree more, but the way he wanted the children to go about it I’ll go into in a little bit.

The time: I thought we would be sitting there for 3 hours but it took just over and hour.

The exercise: with all of the stand up sit down, I got a bit of a workout.

Dislikes (this list may be longer)

The idolatry: the two biggest things on the stage had the least to do with Christ, unless there is some meaning that I don’t understand. One was a huge gold and blue sun with stars and triangles all over it. What it had to do with Christ I wasn’t sure. The second was this huge square gold picture hanging from the ceiling. It was divided into four pictures: a lion, a goat, an eagle, and a fourth thing that the sun was glaring off of, so I couldn’t really see it, but again, where is Jesus in this?

Scripture: Father Satish told this to innocent children, and I quote, “once you take this sacrament of the body and blood of Christ, you will then be one of God’s children and be allowed to enter Heaven and have Jesus Christ as your savior.” WOW so I sent out a twitter about it:

“I just learned that in order to be saved you have to take communion. He never said where it says that in the Bible, but im sure its in there.” OH WAIT, IT’S NOT!! You know how you become a Christian, let me tell you.

“Romans 10:9-13”
9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." 12For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. “

Or if you don’t like that, then take this one

Acts 16:29-31

29The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" 31They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household."

None of those have to do with crackers or wine. or baptism for that matter.

Now I did catch some flak for the things I tweeted during service and I’ll address those now.

One person stated:

“I'm not sure this is correct. In order to be saved, you must be baptized - to have the "original sin" removed from our soul. Which is why babies are baptized. We receive communion because Jesus asked that we "take this bread and eat, for this is my body; take this wine and drink, for this is my blood". We need years to understand the Catholic religion...Everyone practicing is still learning! 8-)”

The following comes from www.gotquestions.org

“The Bible is abundantly clear of what baptism is, who it is for, and what it accomplishes. In the Bible, only believers who had placed their faith in Christ were baptized - as a public testimony of their faith and identification with Him (Acts 2:38; Romans 6:3-4). Water baptism by immersion is a step of obedience after faith in Christ. It is a proclamation of faith in Christ, a statement of submission to Him, and an identification with His death, burial, and resurrection.

With this in view, infant baptism is not a Biblical practice. An infant cannot place his or her faith in Christ. An infant cannot make a conscious decision to obey Christ. An infant cannot understand what water baptism symbolizes. The Bible does not record any infants being baptized.

Baptism does not save a person. It does not matter if you were baptized by immersion, pouring, or sprinkling - if you have not first trusted in Christ for salvation, baptism (no matter the method) is meaningless and useless. Water baptism by immersion is a step of obedience to be done after salvation as a public profession of faith in Christ and identification with Him. Infant baptism does not fit the Biblical definition of baptism or the Biblical method of baptism.”

But to the point at the bottom, I’ll completely agree with that. “We need years to understand the Catholic religion...Everyone practicing is still learning!” To me this just states that there are so many rituals and rules within your faith that it needs a huge overhaul.

Here are the rules for Christianity

1.Love the Lord and Savior of mankind, Jesus Christ, as your own personal savior and follow his commandments.

2. See rule number 1.

The one thing that I did not mention of the above is the endless chanting. There was a constant call and response during the whole service. “and praise be to you” “Thanks be to God.” “and also with you.” “Praise to you, Lord, Jesus Christ.” “Glory to you, oh Lord” “Lord, hear our prayer.”

I again caught flak for this too.

“For those raised in the Catholic faith, it is not mindless repetition. I think we gain the same benefits as you gain from your church. Every individual experiences different emotions. We seek what inspires us, speaks to our heart. Isn't it funny that every religion thinks it is "THE" religion, and all others are lost?”

Now I hate to keep quoting the Bible, but it is the inerrant word of God, so here goes.

Matthew 6:7-8
7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

Now I’m not saying that Catholics are pagans, far from it, but what I am saying is that prayer is not a ritual. Rather, it is personal conversation between you and God. It is not the length of the prayer that makes it effective, but the sincerity of heart, the depth of faith. "Christians' prayers are measured by weight, not by length." Don't bore God with many words, but no heart! (www.scripturestudies.com)

When I was hearing these people pray at this church, I couldn’t honestly say that God was there. I know that may sound harsh but the point I’m making is that if your prayers sound like they are hurting you, STOP DOING THEM! It’s a slap in God’s face to just be going through the motions and checking the boxes. If you’re going to pray, do it with zeal and heart or don’t do it at all.

All this being said, I know I’ve made some people rather upset with me today but you know what, I looked at today’s experience through biblical lenses and what I saw is what I saw. If you can argue for anything I saw today with SCRIPTURE, let me know I’d love to see it. I was not judging any person in that building today, nor am I saying that my way is the right way, but what I am saying is that if the Christian faith is based upon the Bible and I saw and heard things today that are not in there, then it’s simply not something I can follow.

L’Chayim,
-Ryan

Letters to God

2009-04-21T22:10:00.000-04:00

It's things like these that make me enjoy the youth group.

A response to Mere Christianity

2009-04-17T21:52:00.003-04:00

About a month ago I posted an article about my disliking to the C.S. Lewis book "Mere Christianity" you can read that post here.

and for the first time in a long while I'm going to repost a comment left by one of you lovely readers. so without further ado, here's Joel.

Hey Ryan,

I don't read your blog, but Rady tagged this post. I'm a huge CS Lewis fan, mainly from the standpoint that I'm a reason/logic guy and most of his writings use that approach.

Your points are solid. I've been reading his work for a long time and thought I might offer a perspective on some of this that comes from reading his other works as well.

1. He can be very long winded. Just because he's held in high regard doesn't mean he says things simply. I do often read his books when I intended to fall asleep. I still learn a great deal from him.

2. The Apostle Paul wasn't married either, and in fact uses much the same disclaimer in 1 Cor 7 when speaking about such things. We would still consider his teachings very thoroughly (God's Word afterall, right?).

3. I've long disagreed with CSL on his stance of evolution. The Problem Of Pain is another great work of his. But he says some really outlandish things that really end up sounding more like a man searching for truth while confidently stating things he isn't really sure of. After considering this for a while I realized that he was born in an era when science really was starting to take off. Creationism was being challenged, and there really wasn't an antidote or clear response from the Christian community. He was a man of logic and to that point his scholarly friends and influences were bringing seemingly logical arguments for which there was no better, more "logical" Christian response. He was bound by the limits of the knowledge he had to work with. I wonder if he'd have a much different view of things if he were alive today.

4. Lastly, to your point about scripture. He rarely ever uses scripture to back up his arguments, especially in Mere Christianity. I liken this to someone using the color green to describe the color green to someone who has never seen green. If you are an atheist or a "normal person" and you don't believe the validity of the Bible, using scripture to describe truth is going to seem really inadequate, and maybe even comical. He uses other approaches to reveal that the Bible, more importantly God, is who He really is. If you want solid Biblical teaching to back up what you believe, there are many many other authors who approach things from a scriptural context. He doesn't often intend to reach the reached. His writing, as I've viewed it, is intended to reach those who view scripture very skeptically.

So overall, I don't disagree with your observations. He was after all just a man. He was flawed. I see a lot of his approach in myself. I often times must make a "confident" argument known to then begin disassembling it in my own mind to make sure it can be stated as confidently as I originally presented it.

It's Opening Day!!!

2009-04-06T09:02:00.000-04:00

Let us pray the Lord's Prayer:

Dear Lord,
We ask that this season you bless the Boston Red Soxs,
We ask that that you keep our team free from injuries,
We ask that all of the off seasons trades are worth every "Penny"
We ask that the post season be quick and painless on the way to the pennant,
but most of all we ask that you show the Yankees your might, mostly by smiting then and their garbage new stadium.

AMEN!!

The coming evangelical collapse

2009-03-27T19:00:00.003-04:00

I thought this was a very thought-provoking article from The Christian Science Monitor, which by the was is not related to Christan Science at all.

Oneida, Ky. - We are on the verge – within 10 years – of a major collapse of evangelical Christianity. This breakdown will follow the deterioration of the mainline Protestant world and it will fundamentally alter the religious and cultural environment in the West.

Within two generations, evangelicalism will be a house deserted of half its occupants. (Between 25 and 35 percent of Americans today are Evangelicals.) In the "Protestant" 20th century, Evangelicals flourished. But they will soon be living in a very secular and religiously antagonistic 21st century.

This collapse will herald the arrival of an anti-Christian chapter of the post-Christian West. Intolerance of Christianity will rise to levels many of us have not believed possible in our lifetimes, and public policy will become hostile toward evangelical Christianity, seeing it as the opponent of the common good.

Millions of Evangelicals will quit. Thousands of ministries will end. Christian media will be reduced, if not eliminated. Many Christian schools will go into rapid decline. I'm convinced the grace and mission of God will reach to the ends of the earth. But the end of evangelicalism as we know it is close.

Why is this going to happen?

1. Evangelicals have identified their movement with the culture war and with political conservatism. This will prove to be a very costly mistake. Evangelicals will increasingly be seen as a threat to cultural progress. Public leaders will consider us bad for America, bad for education, bad for children, and bad for society.

The evangelical investment in moral, social, and political issues has depleted our resources and exposed our weaknesses. Being against gay marriage and being rhetorically pro-life will not make up for the fact that massive majorities of Evangelicals can't articulate the Gospel with any coherence. We fell for the trap of believing in a cause more than a faith.

2. We Evangelicals have failed to pass on to our young people an orthodox form of faith that can take root and survive the secular onslaught. Ironically, the billions of dollars we've spent on youth ministers, Christian music, publishing, and media has produced a culture of young Christians who know next to nothing about their own faith except how they feel about it. Our young people have deep beliefs about the culture war, but do not know why they should obey scripture, the essentials of theology, or the experience of spiritual discipline and community. Coming generations of Christians are going to be monumentally ignorant and unprepared for culture-wide pressures.

3. There are three kinds of evangelical churches today: consumer-driven megachurches, dying churches, and new churches whose future is fragile. Denominations will shrink, even vanish, while fewer and fewer evangelical churches will survive and thrive.

4. Despite some very successful developments in the past 25 years, Christian education has not produced a product that can withstand the rising tide of secularism. Evangelicalism has used its educational system primarily to staff its own needs and talk to itself.

5. The confrontation between cultural secularism and the faith at the core of evangelical efforts to "do good" is rapidly approaching. We will soon see that the good Evangelicals want to do will be viewed as bad by so many, and much of that work will not be done. Look for ministries to take on a less and less distinctively Christian face in order to survive.

6. Even in areas where Evangelicals imagine themselves strong (like the Bible Belt), we will find a great inability to pass on to our children a vital evangelical confidence in the Bible and the importance of the faith.

7. The money will dry up.

What will be left?

•Expect evangelicalism to look more like the pragmatic, therapeutic, church-growth oriented megachurches that have defined success. Emphasis will shift from doctrine to relevance, motivation, and personal success – resulting in churches further compromised and weakened in their ability to pass on the faith.

•Two of the beneficiaries will be the Roman Catholic and Orthodox communions. Evangelicals have been entering these churches in recent decades and that trend will continue, with more efforts aimed at the "conversion" of Evangelicals to the Catholic and Orthodox traditions.

•A small band will work hard to rescue the movement from its demise through theological renewal. This is an attractive, innovative, and tireless community with outstanding media, publishing, and leadership development. Nonetheless, I believe the coming evangelical collapse will not result in a second reformation, though it may result in benefits for many churches and the beginnings of new churches.

•The emerging church will largely vanish from the evangelical landscape, becoming part of the small segment of progressive mainline Protestants that remain true to the liberal vision.

•Aggressively evangelistic fundamentalist churches will begin to disappear.

•Charismatic-Pentecostal Christianity will become the majority report in evangelicalism. Can this community withstand heresy, relativism, and confusion? To do so, it must make a priority of biblical authority, responsible leadership, and a reemergence of orthodoxy.

•Evangelicalism needs a "rescue mission" from the world Christian community. It is time for missionaries to come to America from Asia and Africa. Will they come? Will they be able to bring to our culture a more vital form of Christianity?

•Expect a fragmented response to the culture war. Some Evangelicals will work to create their own countercultures, rather than try to change the culture at large. Some will continue to see conservatism and Christianity through one lens and will engage the culture war much as before – a status quo the media will be all too happy to perpetuate. A significant number, however, may give up political engagement for a discipleship of deeper impact.

Is all of this a bad thing?

Evangelicalism doesn't need a bailout. Much of it needs a funeral. But what about what remains?

Is it a good thing that denominations are going to become largely irrelevant? Only if the networks that replace them are able to marshal resources, training, and vision to the mission field and into the planting and equipping of churches.

Is it a good thing that many marginal believers will depart? Possibly, if churches begin and continue the work of renewing serious church membership. We must change the conversation from the maintenance of traditional churches to developing new and culturally appropriate ones.

The ascendency of Charismatic-Pentecostal-influenced worship around the world can be a major positive for the evangelical movement if reformation can reach those churches and if it is joined with the calling, training, and mentoring of leaders. If American churches come under more of the influence of the movement of the Holy Spirit in Africa and Asia, this will be a good thing.

Will the evangelicalizing of Catholic and Orthodox communions be a good development? One can hope for greater unity and appreciation, but the history of these developments seems to be much more about a renewed vigor to "evangelize" Protestantism in the name of unity.

Will the coming collapse get Evangelicals past the pragmatism and shallowness that has brought about the loss of substance and power? Probably not. The purveyors of the evangelical circus will be in fine form, selling their wares as the promised solution to every church's problems. I expect the landscape of megachurch vacuity to be around for a very long time.

Will it shake lose the prosperity Gospel from its parasitical place on the evangelical body of Christ? Evidence from similar periods is not encouraging. American Christians seldom seem to be able to separate their theology from an overall idea of personal affluence and success.

The loss of their political clout may impel many Evangelicals to reconsider the wisdom of trying to create a "godly society." That doesn't mean they'll focus solely on saving souls, but the increasing concern will be how to keep secularism out of church, not stop it altogether. The integrity of the church as a countercultural movement with a message of "empire subversion" will increasingly replace a message of cultural and political entitlement.

Despite all of these challenges, it is impossible not to be hopeful. As one commenter has already said, "Christianity loves a crumbling empire."

We can rejoice that in the ruins, new forms of Christian vitality and ministry will be born. I expect to see a vital and growing house church movement. This cannot help but be good for an evangelicalism that has made buildings, numbers, and paid staff its drugs for half a century.

We need new evangelicalism that learns from the past and listens more carefully to what God says about being His people in the midst of a powerful, idolatrous culture.

I'm not a prophet. My view of evangelicalism is not authoritative or infallible. I am certainly wrong in some of these predictions. But is there anyone who is observing evangelicalism in these times who does not sense that the future of our movement holds many dangers and much potential?

• Michael Spencer is a writer and communicator living and working in a Christian community in Kentucky. He describes himself as "a postevangelical reformation Christian in search of a Jesus-shaped spirituality."

Feel free to leave any comments, I'd love to hear from you.

hero's in a half shell

2009-03-20T00:15:00.001-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Trent Reznor and the Music industry.

2009-03-15T14:13:00.002-04:00

For those of you that know me, you know that i'm a HUGE Nine Inch Nails fan, and that I have the utmost respect for Trent Reznor. He has done more for music and the music industry then most people know. below is a repost from an article he posted on his website.

As we approach on-sale dates for the upcoming tour, I've noticed lots of you are curious / concerned / outraged at the plethora of tickets that somehow appear on all these reseller sites at inflated prices - even before the pre-sale dates. I'll do my best to explain the situation as I see it, as well as clarify my organization's stance in the matter.

NIN decides to tour this summer. We arrive at the conclusion outdoor amphitheaters are the right venue for this outing, for a variety of reasons we've throughly considered*. In the past, NIN would sell the shows in each market to local promoters, who then "buy" the show from us to sell to you. Live Nation happens to own all the amphitheaters and bought most of the local promoters - so if you want to play those venues, you're being promoted by Live Nation. Live Nation has had an exclusive deal with TicketMaster that has just expired, so Live Nation launched their own ticketing service. Most of the dates on this tour are through Live Nation, some are through TicketMaster - this is determined by the promoter (Live Nation), not us.
Now we get into the issue of secondary markets for tickets, which is the hot issue here. The ticketing marketplace for rock concerts shows a real lack of sophistication, meaning this: the true market value of some tickets for some concerts is much higher than what the act wants to be perceived as charging. For example, there are some people who would be willing to pay $1,000 and up to be in the best seats for various shows, but MOST acts in the rock / pop world don't want to come off as greedy pricks asking that much, even though the market says its value is that high. The acts know this, the venue knows this, the promoters know this, the ticketing company knows this and the scalpers really know this. So...

The venue, the promoter, the ticketing agency and often the artist camp (artist, management and agent) take tickets from the pool of available seats and feed them directly to the re-seller (which from this point on will be referred to by their true name: SCALPER). I am not saying every one of the above entities all do this, nor am I saying they do it for all shows but this is a very common practice that happens more often than not. There is money to be made and they feel they should participate in it. There are a number of scams they employ to pull this off which is beyond the scope of this note.

StubHub.com is an example of a re-seller / scalper. So is TicketsNow.com.

Here's the rub: TicketMaster has essentially been a monopoly for many years - certainly up until Live Nation's exclusive deal ran out. They could have (and can right now) stop the secondary market dead in its tracks by doing the following: limit the amount of sales per customer, print names on the tickets and require ID / ticket matches at the venue. We know this works because we do it for our pre-sales. Why don't THEY do it? It's obvious - they make a lot of money fueling the secondary market. TicketMaster even bought a re-seller site and often bounces you over to that site to buy tickets (TicketsNow.com)!

NIN gets 10% of the available seats for our own pre-sale. We won a tough (and I mean TOUGH) battle to get the best seats. We require you to sign up at our site (for free) to get tickets. We limit the amount you can buy, we print your name on the tickets and we have our own person let you in a separate entrance where we check your ID to match the ticket. We charge you a surcharge that has been less than TicketMaster's or Live Nation's in all cases so far to pay for the costs of doing this - it's not a profit center for us. We have essentially stopped scalping by doing these things - because we want true fans to be able to get great seats and not get ripped off by these parasites.

I assure you nobody in the NIN camp supplies or supports the practice of supplying tickets to these re-sellers because it's not something we morally feel is the right thing to do. We are leaving money on the table here but it's not always about money.
Being completely honest, it IS something I've had to consider. If people are willing to pay a lot of money to sit up front AND ARE GOING TO ANYWAY thanks to the rigged system, why let that money go into the hands of the scalpers? I'm the one busting my ass up there every night. The conclusion really came down to it not feeling like the right thing to do - simple as that.

My guess as to what will eventually happen if / when Live Nation and TicketMaster merges is that they'll move to an auction or market-based pricing scheme - which will simply mean it will cost a lot more to get a good seat for a hot show. They will simply BECOME the scalper, eliminating them from the mix.

Nothing's going to change until the ticketing entity gets serious about stopping the problem - which of course they don't see as a problem. The ultimate way to hurt scalpers is to not support them. Leave them holding the merchandise. Don't buy from scalpers, and be suspect of artists singing the praises of the Live Nation / TicketMaster merger. What's in it for them?

* I fully realize by playing those venues we are getting into bed with all these guys. I've learned to choose my fights and at this point in time it would be logistically too difficult to attempt to circumvent the venues / promoter / ticketing infrastructure already in place for this type of tour. For those of you about to snipe "it's your fault for playing there, etc... " - I know it is.

Just because it is old, doesn’t make it good.

2009-03-08T09:54:00.000-04:00

Over the past couple of weeks I have sent out several tweets ( www.twitter.com/Ryan Lewis ) about my disliking of C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity” and in doing so have been scolded about the fact that I should bite my tongue when ripping into a book deemed a “classic” and “staple” of the Christian faith. Well below is my response to that. No low blows, no animosity, just my humble opinion.

C.S. Lewis is known as one of the most honored and well respected authors and Christian writers of all time, and to a degree I agree with that. Books like “The Screwtape Letters” and the Chronicles of Narnia books series are both well known and widely regarded (I personally love the former)

That being said I STRUGGLED to finish “Mere Christianity.” Mere Christianity is one of if not his most well known books on the Christian faith. The book begins from the perspective of someone who is not of the faith or who I’ll be referring to as normal people, and states that all people or born with a sense of right and wrong and that this inherent law of nature is given to everyone by God. He then supposes that once we become aware of this fact then we are then given the choice to join or turn away from God, and that it is our choice but that God will influence this decision as he wants to draw us into his family.

There are several things that I did like in this book, such as what he believes is Man interpretation of God, he mentions how men will try to find happiness in anything outside of God until they have nothing left but God. He also explains at length the basics of the Christian faith and what most Christians believe. He also makes a lot of valid points so that if one was new to the faith or was interested in learning about it, they would have a lot to take away from it.

That being said this book is LONG! And I don’t mean long in the sense of word count (my copy was a only 225 pages) no the book is long in the sense that Lewis takes four pages to write what someone else could say in two paragraphs. He takes long drawn out examples to explain analogies that are so daunting that by the time you get done reading them, you want to take a nap.

The second big gripe I had with the book was the fact that he spends the better part of 30 pages speaking on something he has no basis for offering his input. Let me paraphrase, “I’ve never been married, but for the next two chapters I’m going to tell you what’s best for your marriage.” he even states something to this effect in the begin of the chapter. If you’ve never been married, don’t tell me how I should be married.

My biggest concern with this book is the lack of biblical context and example. As I mentioned above in the chapter about christian marriage he states thing that go directly against the bible, which is THE source of christian doctrine. Below is one such example that goes against everything I have learned about what Christ taught.

“If people do not believe in permanent marriage, it is perhaps better that they should live together unmarried than that they should make vows they do not mean to keep. It is true that by living together without marriage they will be guilty (in christian eyes) of fornication. But one fault is not mended by adding another: unchasitiy is not improved by adding perjury.”

WOW WOW WOW, why the heck did I even get married in the first place then ole C.S.!!! I could have just shacked up with Megan and ruled the roost without ever having to worry about the consequences. What bible is this guy reading!?!?!

He also states things like “it’s ok to like some people and not others, that’s human nature” FALSE! as followers of Christ we are to show love and compassion to everyone, especially those may require a little extra grace. Also at the end of the book he basically endorses evolution and states that all humans will eventually evolve to follow after God.

Oh, and I wont even get into the part about aliens.

The final complaint I have is this: lack of scripture. When you presenting an argument for a faith based upon Gods love and what he has done for us, as he shows us through scripture, point that out. After all he did leave us instructions. Hardly at all through the book is the Bible quoted and when it is there is no reference or citation given. If you want to point people to Christ, there are a few examples you can give them. One of the most important ones being the Bible. Without the Bible the Christian faith lacks authenticity and validation, use it Lewis, use it.

All this being said I still think the book is important and that it could bring about a lot of discussion amongst people. I understand that this book has helped a lot of people with their faith, I just think that there are better books out there that can accomplish the same thing a lot more thoroughly and more accurately. If you’ve read the book or would like to share your opinion, please do so, I would love to see a dialogue opened due to this post.

Speechless

2009-03-02T09:43:00.000-05:00

Words fail me.

2Pac - California Love

2009-02-10T09:43:00.000-05:00

The best videos from black artists on The guide this month

2Pac - California Love

This song was requested by wife, if you have a request let me know and i'll put it up and tag you in it for the world to see.

Digable Planets - Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat)

2009-02-10T09:26:00.000-05:00

The best videos from black artists on The guide this month

Digable Planets - Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat)

Arrested Development - Tennessee

2009-02-08T09:17:00.000-05:00

The best videos from black artists on The guide this month

Arrested Development - Tennessee

It's funny how you never really realize the Christian overtones in this song until you become a Disciple of Christ, this song is the Jam!!

Haddaway-What is Love?

2009-02-06T09:13:00.000-05:00

The best videos from black artists on The guide this month

Haddaway-What is Love?

snap-rhythm is a dancer

2009-02-04T09:11:00.000-05:00

The best videos from black artists on The guide this month

snap-rhythm is a dancer

Soul 2 Soul- Back To Life

2009-02-02T09:07:00.000-05:00

The best videos from black artists on The guide this month

And so begins Black History Month

2009-02-01T08:59:00.003-05:00

Happy black history month...

This month I'll be posting as many black things as possible

The Fresh Prince

2009-01-26T22:26:00.001-05:00

the first video...The Original

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

the second video...The Gangsta Rap version

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The true question is...

2009-01-19T10:17:00.000-05:00

did it hurt worse for the kid...or the deer?

Zambia Bound!!!

2009-01-16T09:51:00.000-05:00

In honor of by brothers and sisters in Christ who left on a plane this morning to go do the Lords work in Africa I'm posting a video of what they'll see when they get there.

Wing Suit

2009-01-13T23:34:00.000-05:00

When insanity meets innovation, you'll get this:

wingsuit base jumping from Ali on Vimeo.

Really Fat Kid, Really!?!?!?!

2009-01-12T08:56:00.000-05:00

This is another reason why I don't care for children, this kid reminds me of my friend Nick Rose.

The true question is how did the little turd get his pumpkin head through the seat in the first place.

TGIF: Take on Me

2009-01-08T23:52:00.001-05:00

This is actually a really funny parody.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

TGIF Jam: Poison

2009-01-02T00:41:00.000-05:00

Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison

Apparently Biv had met my wife when he wrote this song "Never trust a big butt and a smile."

Charlie Brown Kwanzaa

2008-12-26T00:47:00.000-05:00

I thought in honor of one the oldest, most revered, and well respected holidays of all time, I would post one of my favorite Kwanzaa videos: Charlie Brown Kwanzaa

WARNING: this video will offend you, or it should anyway :P

Now go tell a black person how much you appreciate them.

-Ryan

Redneck Christmas tree

2008-12-23T15:32:00.000-05:00

In the ghetto we make our own trees.

All joking aside, Who wouldn't love this tree in there window.

Merry Christmas from Ryan and Megan.

Brooklyn Loves The World

2008-12-21T15:25:00.003-05:00

This weeks sermon is a continuation of what we have already been discussing with a little bit of biblical reference involved. Below is an email I recieved from my man Cub after I had discussed the topic of people hating Christians for being such terrible people. It is unedited and I thank cub for sharing his heart and thoughts.

(Note: Brooklyn is what we call out Quad, which is sort of like a bible study)

After Brooklyn i was reading the next two chapters of Matthew i was up to and i happened to be at Matthew Chapter 23. The first section of the chapter is on "The Seven Woes." Which is the EXACT thing we are were talking about on on Thursday and discussing what's wrong with "Christianity" and why many people in the world have negative feelings about church and Christianity. And i think these seven woe's the Christ spelled out are EXACTLY what is wrong.

1.Shutting the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. (Mat. 23:13-14)

2.Making converts twice as much a son of hell as the converters themselves are. (Mat. 23:15)

3.Claiming that swearing by the temple is nothing, but claiming that swearing by the temple's gold is everything. (Mat. 23:16-22)

4.Obeying the minutiae of the law but neglecting the important facets (Mat. 23:23-24)

5.Being shallow (Mat. 23:25-26)

6.Hypocrisy (Mat. 23:23-27)

7.Claiming that they would have behaved better than their forefathers - even though they build and respect the tombs of those who murdered the prophets. (Mat. 23:29-36)

These are exactly what was wrong in the time of Jesus and the CONTINUE to be wrong today. Every single one of those is a problem with 'christians' and the church in today's time. As we talked about how was someone rebuke his brother when he's doing the same thing. We could look at any one of these and see them all over the place. The more i think about it the more i see hypocrisy in the 'christian' community.

How does this change? What needs to be done? How can people who stereotype christians by the bad experiences they've had or heard about change their heart?

Just some thoughts...

A Little Christmas Spirit

2008-12-20T23:32:00.000-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL !!!

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

See the PC Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a 'Holiday'.*
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees up side down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Diversity
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton , Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS , not Happy Holiday!

Please, all Christians join together and wish everyone you meet MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christ is The Reason for the Christmas Season!

TGIF Jam: Du Hast and

2008-12-19T00:19:00.000-05:00

Rammstein - Du Hast (you have/hate)

If any has questions about the subtitles on this let me know and I'll explain them.

Rammstein - Feuer frei! (fire at will)

yes that is Vin Diesel, this song was on the XXX soundtrack

Rammstein - Zerstoren (destroy)

This video is unofficial, but it really fit the theme of the song and that opening is one of the best things in music today.

Next week: one wrong move and you're dead

Street Soccer

2008-12-17T03:34:00.000-05:00

I love how we need Wii's and Xbox's when these kids have so much less and yet so much more.

Win A Free Book From A Former Writer On Arrested Development

2008-12-16T22:11:00.003-05:00

Show my man over at arrested development blog some love and enter into his contest. the contest goes until the 19th and when you enter the contest, tell'em I sent ya.

The triforce is in the Internet

2008-12-15T03:38:00.000-05:00

Picture Monday, enjoy.

Why People Hate Christians

2008-12-14T14:23:00.004-05:00

These are two of the many examples of why everyday people hate Christians. Because we are a narrow minded, ignorant, better than thou group of people who know what's best for you and so you should listen to us you dumb bunch of sinners before you all go to hell.

Our first example comes from Alice Shannon of Soldotna Alaska, who writes:

here are a few responses from the people we need to be having the most sincere discussion with about some of our louder "representatives"

I would like to express my sincere gratitude to you, Ms. Shannon!
It’s morons like you that help us “evil” folks illustrate how angry and hateful some so-called “Christians” can be.
If Jesus does exist, I believe he wouldn’t even cross the street to spit on dim-witted hate mongers like yourself.
Have a nice day!!!

and

What? That's like saying "I don't care if they have never started a fire, but kittens are the reason arson is rampant." One has nothing to do with the other.

the best response to this though would have to come from a man named Neal Coleman, who shares my exact response to this woman, and since he can say it better then I can I'll just leave it to him.

With Protestant Christianity our cultural religion, many Americans are raised, and indeed spend their whole lives, without meeting or getting to know even one atheist. Lack of experiential knowledge breeds fear, which in turn gives rise to resent and hatred. This is the source of Ms. Shannon’s sentiment, and that of those like her.

...In the end, it is ignorance of atheism and atheists that lies at the source of Ms. Shannon’s beliefs. I hope she meets an atheist at some time in her life and realizes just how wrong she is: that it is quite possible to befriend, and indeed love, as Christ would have it, someone whose beliefs are different from her own.

My second example comes from "The Honorable James David Manning, PhD" and he is the head pastor of the Atlah world ministries and he had this to say about President-Elect Obama

I would provide responses to this, but there weren't any that were articulate enough to be worth our time.

I don't care where you are with God, or if you've ever even had a conversation with him, I would love to start a Dialogue with anyone wants to share thoughts and opinions.
On behalf of every Christian you've ever met, I would like to personally apologize for there actions. We are all a broken, sinful group of people are less then you, not better.

TGIFJams: All Soulja boy, all the Time

2008-12-12T23:43:00.001-05:00

Here are three video's of the same song, each slightly different enough to warranting a view. enjoy and watch your skin get darker.

The Original

The Funny

The Dope Remix

I'm off to buy some Bathin Apes,
-Ryan

Next week: I'm in the mood for Sauerkraut, stay tuned.

Can't Hold Kinetik Down

2008-12-08T21:40:00.004-05:00

My Man KinetiK just dropped his new hit "Questions" all over youtube. Give this a listen and tell me Hip Hops dead son. I DON'T THINK SO.

SNL is very hit or miss, but this is total hit

2008-12-08T05:03:00.000-05:00

I thought this was hysterical. You probably won't.

Klondike Bar

2008-12-07T11:24:00.000-05:00

The Worst Thing Ever Done For a Klondike Bar -- powered by Cracked.com

I prefer Ice cream Samiches

Jesus was a Cookie Crisp man

2008-12-07T09:18:00.000-05:00

I was thinking that from now on I would post an article, or link, or discussion about faith I may be having on Sundays, in keeping with the Sabbath and all. So let me know what you think. this first article comes from the church where me new sister Emily RADCLIFFE attended. It's by By Kevin Feldotto

A taste for granola I live in Colorado Springs, home of God. There are more Christian ministries in this town than you can shake a Harry Potter book at. Apparently, this makes us some sort of Christian Mecca. I'm not buying it.

The ugly truth is that we are a town divided by hate. It's the granola-eating, pacifist, pro-homosexual tree-huggers versus the holier-than-thou, flag-waving, pro-life, Bible-thumpers, and we have been divided for a decade. We don't have time to stand in the park and yell at each other, so we wage war with our bumper stickers. "FOCUS ON YOUR OWN DAMN FAMILY" is a popular bumper sticker that reveals more about our community than about any organization.

Being a Christian conservative, I am keenly aware of this battle. Recently I saw a bumper sticker that made me spew my latte. It read, "DOING MY PART TO PISS OFF THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT." While that would make some wish they had a shoulder-mounted grenade launcher, it made me laugh out loud. Personally, I love controversy not for the sake of confrontation, but because it makes people think.

I wanted to kidnap the owners of the bumper sticker (with my grenade launcher) and buy them a beer. I would ask them how they feel about the religious; how they feel about the right. Then I would ask them how they feel about Christians. I would then do something so radical, it would completely freak them out. I would listen; no arguing, no defending, just listening. In fact, I might just be nodding my head in agreement.

You see, I am one of the religious right, and I don't like us. Our ranks are filled with arrogant know-it-alls who wear the label "evangelical" like some kind of medal; people who think "right" refers not to their political stance but to their level of correctness. If you are not a member of the club, you probably know what I mean. As soon as they figure out your label, you get the distinct impression that you have dog doo on your shoes.

I was still laughing about the "religious right" sticker when it hit me: If Jesus had a car, he might have had that bumper sticker on it, right next to the one that said "WHAT WOULD I DO?"

Hear me out on this. Whenever Jesus went on the attack, who did he launch against? It wasn't the liberals; it was the religious right, the conservatives. It was the religious leaders who knew the Scriptures like they were written on their underwear. The pious people who were convinced that they had the corner on being right.

Instead of giving them a good ol' boy slap on the back, he got in their faces at every opportunity. Time and again, Jesus said, "Have you not read?" He knew darn well they had not only read it, they had memorized it. When he repeatedly remarked, "You have heard it said this, but I say to you that," he purposefully challenged their authority. When Jesus healed a man on the Sabbath, he was not ignorant of rabbinical law. He did it to force the issue.

I find it very interesting that he never seemed to hang with the religious right. He ended up at parties with the wild crowd, while the conservatives hovered outside and talked about what he was doing wrong. He intentionally spent time with those whom the conservatives looked down on.

What does this say about us as evangelicals? Perhaps we don't have the corner on being right. (Be still my heart.) Possibly, we have been unwilling to see our weaknesses because of our own arrogance. Could it be that the bumper sticker, "THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT IS NEITHER" is more than just wordplay? We need to be willing to honestly ask ourselves if we have been wrong. No, I take that back. The question should not be "Am I wrong?" but "Where am I wrong?"

Now that I have voiced these heresies, I may get thrown out of the club. That may be OK. If you're a pro-homosexual, tree-hugging pacifist, let's talk. I actually like granola.

The main idea of this article is something that some of the boys in my Quad have been talking about lately, basically the fact that "I am a follower of Christ" and not a "Christian."
I would love to hear from anyone with you're thoughts on this. If you love christans or hate them, please let me know. I PROMISE you won't be judged, or try to be converted, or told why you're being a sinner. If you don't want to leave a comment, email me lilking783@gmail.com. This is not a discussion that is ending soon, I have more articles and thoughts on this subject.

Motivational Posters

2008-12-05T23:36:00.000-05:00

I know that most of these posters people have seen before, and these things are a little '05, but I like them. so here are some of my favorites.

I know that most of these posters people have seen before, and these things are a little '05, but I like them. so here are some of my favorites.

TGIF Jam: DVNO and Stress

2008-12-04T23:57:00.001-05:00

This week we're presenting two videos. for one because they're from the same artist but completely different, and two, because I feel like it. So enjoy.

Justice - DVNO

Justice - Stress

The band if french, that's why you're not understanding anything. and because i'm feeling generous.

Justice - Master of Puppets
(About 1:20 in it gets real DOPE!!)

And just so you know i'm not just shamelessly plugging these guys, I have there album and listen to it nonstop, ask Megan, she's sick of it.

Next week, it'll be time to "Crank that"

These Colrs du not Run

2008-12-01T23:30:00.000-05:00

Fact of the Week: A New Hope

2008-12-01T21:49:00.001-05:00

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave a comment if you guys are enjoying these. I like them but if you guys don't I'll reduce the amount I put out.

In the U.S., rural students perform below average on standardized test; suburban children are in the middle of the curve, while urban children score higher then average. It may be that cities attract a more educated workforce and, therefore, parents with smarter kids.
That’s why in the small-ass town I live in the schools mascot is called a hill climber, WTF is a hill climber?

Don't be that Girl

2008-11-29T23:26:00.000-05:00

Found this and it cracked me up.

Tom,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.

There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.

I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.

- Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for
'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'.
You did a stupid thing huh?

No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid
thing'; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing';
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if

it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
that by saying 'Well, I didn't Fuck him' somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think
you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,

Tom

Original article can be found here

TGIF Jam: Hypnotize

2008-11-28T07:51:00.000-05:00

Fridays are the best day of the week. you can goof all day at work and then go home and kick it for two days. in honor of how awesome Fridays are, ever Friday I'll be posting a new jam.

This weeks song is: Notorious B.I.G. - Hypnotize

I thought that in honor of "Black Friday" we should have a Black Video. So here is one of the best rap songs ever.

I just love to see the RIDICULOUS amounts of money that were spent on videos back in the day when videos still meant something.

And just because listening to that song got me jonesen for more Bigee here's a bonus Video.

Notorious B.I.G - Big Pappa

NEXT WEEK: Techno/Dance/Electro/another name that means the same thing!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T23:21:00.003-05:00

Don't eat some much turkey you wind up like this kid.

Love,
Ryan and Megu

You have been Warned

2008-11-26T08:28:00.000-05:00

I recieved this in an email at work the other day, and usually I just trash this kind of stuff, but with a BIG shopping season coming up, I thought I'd do my part.

WARNING FROM POLICE

THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN

BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE--
NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)'

Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating... You walk

across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You

start the engine and shift into Reverse.When you look into the rearv iew mirror to back out of your

parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle

of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your

doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or

whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach

the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out

of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically

mow you down as they speed off in your car.

And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.

So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your

money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are

now compromised!

BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.

If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just

drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you

read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and

family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of

personal information and identification documents, and you

certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.

Fact of the Week and the Temple of Doom

2008-11-25T21:44:00.000-05:00

In a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

The economist Kevin Murphy has calculated that in terms of long-term health implications, a cheeseburger costs $2.50 more than a salad.

That is why Big Macs have lettuce and onions on it, salad on beef.

More Toothpaste for Dinner

2008-11-25T10:24:00.000-05:00

toothpastefordinner.com

Boo Homework

2008-11-24T07:27:00.000-05:00

As I think it's become apparent by now, no one should be allowed to be a parent, including me. Below is another reason to support this idea. This parent dodn't look over there child's homework and look how that turned out for them.

Mommy works at Home Depot and sells shovels. Need I say More.

Rocky Mountain Wedding

2008-11-21T08:35:00.003-05:00

Congrats to Josh and Emily Radcliffe!!!!!

By the time most of you guys read this I'll be in Denver Colorado At the McQuinn/Radcliffe wedding. Congrats to the both of them. leave them some well wishes at

www.emilyandjosh.com

finally today I'll leave you with this cool pic

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get retarded in the Mile High City. SILVER BULLET!!!!

TGIF Jam: Deee-lite

2008-11-20T23:05:00.000-05:00

Deee-Lite |MTV Music

If your head is not bobbin after listening to this then you simply have have no soul. This song would get Christ himself out on the dance floor.

I can find almost any video ever made, so if you have a request let me know and I'll see what I can do. also make sure you check back because you'll never know what I'll pick next week, it could be anything.

NEXT WEEK: A "Black" video in honor of "Black Friday"!!!!

Raiders of the Fact of the Week

2008-11-18T21:42:00.000-05:00

In a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

According to prediction models, the expected rises on tempature and precipitation due to global warming will actually increase annual agricultural production in the U.S., and therefore agricultural profits, by about 4 percent, or $1.3 Billion.

And all of this extra food will go towards making America “Officially” the most obese nation on the planet. We’ll see no need to feed all the rest of the world with this surplus, the skinny darkies can fend for themselves.

TGIF Jam: Nothing Left

2008-11-13T23:22:00.000-05:00

Fridays are the best day of the week. you can goof all day at work and then go home and kick it for two days. in honor of how awesome Fridays are, ever Friday I'll be posting a new jam.

This weeks song is: As I Lay Dying » Nothing Left & As I Lay Dying » The Sound of Truth

now you may be asking your self, "self, why did he post two videos?"

well for a couple of reasons.
1. both videos are awesome
2. "The Sound of Truth" starts right where "nothing left ends at.

Nothing left

As I Lay Dying |MTV Music

and just because i'm a nice guy (and because it neccessary)here are the lyrics to the songs.

This world was never worthy
But how can I call it unfaithful
Every promise was fulfilled
As decay crawled from it's throat
Like the dead rising from an open grave (2x)
Lips of splendor and tongue of deceit
All dying now as our fragile wrists hold only waste

Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left

Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left

(Nothing left) 2x
(There's nothing left)
(Nothing left)

If All my sorrow has led me here
Then I would cry all of my tears
To have this chance again (2x)
And know there's more than this
And know there's more than you

Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left

Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left

The Sound of Truth

As I Lay Dying |MTV Music

We have all heard what we wanted to hear
"Truth" that sounds right to our ears

[Chorus]

[Verse 1]
But what wisdom is there within us
To live based on the feeling of our hearts
How many times has instinct let us down
Never to be thought through
Never to be questioned
Say what you really mean
When your ambition calls you (calls you)
For what use is there, is there in praying
If you will only hear what you want to hear?

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]
We speak of fighting to resist this world
But what about the battle within us?
If we have chosen to live against the grain
Then why are we all facing the same way?
There is no difference between us and them
If we all blindly seek truth from sentiments

If you enjoyed these songs check out RadioU they have tons of great songs with a positive, but not preachy message.

I can find almost any video ever made, so if you have a request let me know and I'll see what I can do. also make sure you check back because you'll never know what I'll pick next week, it could be anything.

NEXT WEEK: 90's electro dance music!!!!

Another Fact of the Week

2008-11-11T21:38:00.001-05:00

In nineteenth-century Bavaria, excessive rain led to an increase in property crime. Why? The rain damaged the rye crop, which raised food prices, which led hungry families to steal. Violent crime, however went down. Rye was also used to make beer, so a price spike in rye led to a price spike in beer. As less beer was consumed, there were fewer assaults and murders

Beat Children

2008-11-10T15:58:00.003-05:00

Because if you don't, they turn out like these little turds.

Praise the Lord for Birth control.

-Ryan

----------------
Now playing: Beast - Mr. Hurricane
via FoxyTunes

TGIF Jam: I Think We're Alone Now

2008-11-06T23:44:00.000-05:00

Fridays are the best day of the week. you can goof all day at work and then go home and kick it for two days. in honor of how awesome Fridays are, ever Friday I'll be posting a new jam.

This weeks song is: Tiffany - I Think We're Alone Now

This Video is absolutely TERRIBLE. all it is is just tiffany staring into the camera playing with her hair trying to look sexy while she's like 15. luckily this song is THE JAM!!

I can find almost any video ever made, so if you have a request let me know and I'll see what I can do. also make sure you check back because you'll never know what I'll pick next week, it could be anything.

NEXT WEEK: Christian Metal!!!!

Picture Wednesday?

2008-11-05T22:15:00.002-05:00

I know that Pictures should normally go up on Monday, but I couldn't resist this once I saw it.

No matter your political position (most of you know mine) you have to admit that what happened Tuesday night way a monumental event in American history. 40 years ago people were arrested, beaten, and killed because of the color of their skin, and now 40 years later, a man can hold the highest position in this country without his skin color playing the slightest factor/

I bet he explodes it too.

I also just want to post a couple of excerpts for his acceptance speech.

In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

I read an article on CNN about the woman mentioned below and the fact that Obama brings he up in his speech was really heartwarming.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.
advertisement

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

Congratulations Mr. Obama, you are truly a great representation of the progress of this wonderful nation of ours.

Fact of the Week

2008-11-04T23:02:00.000-05:00

Fact of the Week is a new feature to Lewlessons, in a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

In the lobby of a Hyatt hotel, a one-day pass for wireless Internet connection cost $10.95. Not cheap, but standard for nice hotels. In the hotel’s ballroom, however- where corporate conferences are typically held-a one-day pass costs $300. Economists refer to such a scenario as price discrimination. Economists also refer to this as some ol’ Bullsh**.

TGIF Jam: Regulators

2008-10-30T22:49:00.003-04:00

Warren G |MTV Music

I love this song because it makes no sense whatsoever. if you really listen to the words you're like "Warren G, what the heck are you talking about?"

R.I.P. Nate Dogg

I can find almost any video ever made, so if you have a request let me know and I'll see what I can do. also make sure you check back because you'll never know what I'll pick next week, it could be anything.

NEXT WEEK: 80's pop!!!!

Fact of the Week and the Last Crusade

2008-10-28T21:46:00.002-04:00

Fact of the Week Boys and Girls!!

In the lobby of a Hyatt hotel, a one-day pass for wireless Internet connection cost $10.95. Not cheap, but standard for nice hotels. In the hotel’s ballroom, however- where corporate conferences are typically held-a one-day pass costs $300. Economists refer to such a scenario as price discrimination. Economists also refer to this as some ol’ Bullsh**.

They got the map a long time ago

2008-10-28T21:22:00.003-04:00

This was an article published in dailymail.co.uk, a well respected newspaper in Great Britain. I also saw this article on CNN.

In a discovery straight out of an Indiana Jones movie, archaeologists believe they have uncovered one of the lost mines of King Solomon.

The vast copper mine lies in an arid valley in modern-day Jordan and was created in the 10th century BC - around the time Solomon is believed to have ruled over the ancient Hebrews.

The mines are enormous and would have generated a huge income for the king, who is famed for bringing extraordinary wealth and stability to the newly-united kingdom
of Israel and Judah.

The announcement will today reopen the debate about how much of the Old Testament is myth and how much is history.

According to the Bible, Solomon was the third king of Israel. The son of King David, he was renowned for his wisdom, the size of his harem and the splendour of his kingdom.

During his reign, he is said to have accumulated a huge fortune from mining and trading, some of which was spent on building the grand temple and opulent palace of Jerusalem.

Archaeologists and treasure-hunters have searched for the mines for more than a century since the best-selling Victorian novel, King Solomon's Mines by H Rider Haggard, claimed they could hold a treasure of gold and diamonds.

But now, it seems the real version could have been closer to home, supplying the king with copper.

The ancient mine was found in a desolate region south of the Dead Sea in southern Jordan in an area called Khirbat en-Nahas, which means 'ruins of copper' in Arabic.

The region was known in the Old Testament as the Kingdom of Edom. By Solomon's time, it had become a vassal state, paying tribute to Jerusalem.

Digs at the site in the 1970s and 1980s suggested metalworking began there in the 7th century, long after the time of Solomon.

But Dr Thomas Levy, of the University of California, San Diego, and Mohammed Najjar, of Jordan's Friends of Archaeology, have dated it to the 10th century BC.

Dr Levy said: 'We have evidence that complex societies were indeed active in the 10th and 9th centuries BC and that brings us back to the debate about the historicity of the Bible narratives related to this period.

'We can't believe everything ancient writings tell us. But this research represents a confluence between the archaeological and scientific data and the Bible.'

The ancient site contains around 100 buildings, including a fortress, in the middle of 24 acres of land covered in black slag. The mine works are covered with trials and holes, and are big enough to be seen on Google Earth's satellite images.

The team also found ancient Egyptian artifacts at the site including a scarab and amulet from the 10th century BC.

When Solomon died, his kingdom was thrown into chaos and the Pharaoh Sheshonq is believed to have attempted to crush economic activity.

The findings are reported in today's issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

anyone Who's interested in Christian Apologetics (which is stuff like the article above) let me know, I've got all kinds of stuff I can Recommend.

Guess the Race Again

2008-10-21T08:10:00.000-04:00

Some once again I it's time to to play Guess the Race, this article was simply too strange to pass up. This time I've taken out the obvius clues to the answer.

XXXXXX, XXXXXX (AP) -- A woman chopped the head off a man who allegedly tried to attack her and then paraded the head through a market in northern Xxxxx, police said Friday.

Police arrested the woman late Thursday after receiving calls from frightened witnesses who reported a blood-soaked woman holding a severed head was walking through the village, said police officer Xxxx Xxxxxx.

The woman, 35, told police she had gone to a nearby forest to cut grass for fodder for her cattle when a man attacked her from behind.

"In a bid to save her dignity she beheaded him with a sickle," (the cop) said, adding that the woman had bite marks on her neck and cheek.

The woman also told police that the man had been harassing and stalking her for three months and she had no regrets about killing him, he said, adding that she would probably be charged with culpable homicide.

So post where you think it's from and we'll see who can pick a psycho out of a crowd.
I'll post the answer in a few days with another addition of Guess the Race

A Better Awesome Artist You've Never Heard Of

2008-10-20T22:58:00.004-04:00

DJ Kinetik is the next Awesome Artist You've never heard of. With beats for days and lyrics that take several rotations to catch everything in this cat is waitin to BLOW UP!!!!
Below is an interview I did with Kinetik. it is unabridged, unedited, and is SOUL SINCERE.

When did you first get into hip hop?
---I first remember "Mind Playing Tricks On Me" by Geto Boys back in like 1991 riding with my mom when we lived in Victorville, California riding in a Chevrolet Astro! And that was it man! Soon as I heard that beat and the way the dude was talkin (rappin) I was hooked. Then I paid more attention to hip hop over the years listening to Outkast, Do Or Die, Bone, Wu Tang Clan, then later Jay-Z real heavy and Snoop. But I didn't want to rap on other people's beats so I started making my own when I was 15 and wrote to them. Been in it ever since.

What were/are some of your influences?
---James Brown! Parliament/Funkadelic, The Police, J Dilla, Kanye, Jay-Z, 2Pac, Weather Report, Human League, Talking Heads, Radiohead, Rick Rubin...uh, John Coltrane, Bob James, George Benson, Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock, Stanley Clarke, Jaco Pastorius...Gershwin, Burt Bacharach, Hal David, Motown music, Marvin Gaye, Curtis Mayfield, Stevie Wonder...Jodeci...uh Red Hot Chili Peppers.....man ANYTHING! LOL

What do you think of the state of hip-hop and rap music today?
I think we need more soul in it. Lot of the music sounds plastic to me ya dig? Kinda like its just lacking that SOUL in it. But I like that people are seeing how far they can take the music...hell we got techno creepin in to the music, rock showing its face, more world instruments in the beats! Some people got orchestras on the records like Kanye, some just got FL Studio and some lil video games sounds and freak it like Solja Boy. That's what hip hop is to me! DOIN YOU!

Explain to me the story behind “nap town?”
Naptown is Indianapolis, Indiana (Called Indy, Nap, Circle City as well. I've been here since 2003 and this is my new city I call home and I love it! Living downtown looking at the skyline from my penthouse roof!

Also tell us about "We the Roses?"
We The Roses is from the line in Kanye's "Roses" on Late Registration. I believe in my family and keeping it soulfully together as the fabric of my being so instead of sending flowers, we the roses...the roses you would normally send to the house or funeral home or hospital. We GO there. We ARE there. WE the roses ya dig?

Listening to songs like “I Believe” it sounds like you have a strong faith, what can you tell us about it?
That's a track I got from my boy Rusty Redenbacher.

And basically I have faith in the Lord Almighty to guide my steps in His divine wisdom and glory...that's where my faith lies. And I secondly have faith in my hard work and dedication and creativity and honesty. Its taken me thus far with a lil confidence as well.

note from Lew: this is one of the first things I heard from Kinetik, check the video

Do you have any plans for a tour or an album?
---I try to keep stuff coming out on Facebook, just actually released Kinetik Presents...AD(illa)K Tribute To J Dilla. J Dilla is one of my favorite producers/emcees of all time. He passed a few years back so I'm just rapping on his music. All the beats are by him or from a J Dilla project. I freestyled most of the CD, about 75% of it. Took about 7 hours of recording split into 3 days over 3 weeks. Never forget the experience it was amazing.

Anything else you think our audience should know?
Check me out at http://www.myspace.com/djkinetik and just stay tuned to Lew Lessons! Remember, you're gonna get honest SOUL MUSIC from me. I talk about my life that's how I keep it pure!

I'll continue to post new things from Kinetik as he makes them available. please leave a comment and show my man some love.

L'Chayim,
-Ryan

----------------
Now playing: Kinetik - Killed, Saved, Built
via FoxyTunes

2008-10-17T16:36:00.003-04:00

Ok so I know I haven't posted anything in a really long time but this was too good to ignore...and I also thought of something else to post like 5 minutes ago and now I forget.

So at work today I was sitting at my desk and I overheard a conversation involving the woman that sits behind me. She was talking to a section leader about the attendance of an associate. She said "He was written up" and then she repeated the words "written up" with disgust as if that were grammatically incorrect. Then she said "He was wrote up" as if that were grammatically correct. I literally LOL'd. And then it kind of made me sad...

Poor poor John

2008-10-16T22:43:00.002-04:00

So I promise I won't post anymore political stuff for well over a week, but I had to show you guys this video.

You can almost pinpoint the moment when Obama kicks McCain right in his wrinkly old nads.

I'm working on a couple of different articles so check back later this weekend.

-Ryan

I've been Cute Since Birth

2008-10-14T10:17:00.001-04:00

In honor of my little sister's birthday here's a pic of the lewis kids. Aren't we cute?

look at me mackin' the clip-on. we were like 6 and 3. good times.

Toothpaste for Dinner

2008-10-13T07:44:00.002-04:00

I thought today i would shamelessly plug someone else's website for a change. Go to Toothpaste for Dinner for a new comic everyday. Here's a sample:

toothpastefordinner.com

BARACK THE VOTE!!!!!

2008-10-09T23:29:00.002-04:00

It makes me sad that these people live less then 3 hours from me. BARACK THE VOTE!!!!

you gotta love the women who looks like she has one foot in the grave getting grilled on the number of interviews between Obama and Palin. and the other lady who sticks her face in the camera like 8 times.

Luckily these people live more then 8 hours away.

Points of interest
1. the old man yelling "Commy Faggot"
2. the 3 dozen old people yelling "get a job!"
3. all of the OLD people on the verge of death.

the elderly are a burden on society, they serve no purpose.

Note: the guy carrying the acorn sign has about 1/8 of a single fact, factcheck.org has all of the real info. also the thing about busing homeless people from state to state was actually done in ohio, BY THE REPUBLICAN SECRETARY OF STATE.

BARACK THE VOTE!!!!

A personal update

2008-10-08T21:00:00.001-04:00

So I want to apologize to everyone for the lack of updates on the site. Things have been kind of hectic in Lewis land. I moved offices, so I’m no longer downtown. Megan and I have been getting all of our financial affairs in order so that we can start the process of saving for a house. I’ve started working out regularly (I’ll post more about this in the coming days and weeks.)
Megan’s birthday is today, wish her happy birthday and I’ll post some pics of her big day soon.

L'Chayim,
-Ryan

A Lurker I’d love to meet.

2008-10-06T22:16:00.000-04:00

This post is going out so someone exclusively in the mid-mid west. I’m not talking about Ohio or Indy or anywhere this close I’m talking to the person in Kansas or Nebraska or Oklahoma that loves the site. I know you’re out there, I can see you. You visit the site way to much not to be posting your opinions of things.
Let yourself be known. I’d love to do an interview with you. One that could actually stay up on the site without anyone bitching like a little girl about it. So please get in contact with me, if you’d prefer not to post a comment, email me at lilking783@gmail.com

Huge Sale to help me out

2008-09-24T19:35:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone,

In being a partner with Random Shirts.com the occasionally send me special offers. check out this huge sale they are having and click the link above to save on some funny shirts.

I can attest to the Quality of these shirts, as I own several. Click the link and help me support the site.

-Ryan

Not a Lazy Sunday

2008-09-19T00:25:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday, The Miami valley area in Ohio experience one of the worst wind storms I’ve ever seen. Hurricane Ike slapped our poor town around like our name was Tina Turner. Here are some of the pictures we took while driving around during the storm to see the damage.

The noise that initially made us go out and investigate the damage was this huge crashing sound right outside our bedroom window. Apparently the window to our neighbors bedroom was blown out and laying in our side yard. Just off camera to the left is our driveway, so I swept all the glass into the yard and we went for a spin during the monsoon.

As soon as we turned the corner we saw this tree split right down the middle. As you can see, the wind was blowing so hard that the tarp is sideways.

I've got three cars behind me and a group of guys in a yard staring me down as I get a picture of their misfortune. I yelled tourist and kept driving.

This poor thing has seen better days

These next set of pictures is all of the same house. It’s one of the biggest in Urbana and it got hit the hardest, the brick fence is over 100 years old.

This was one of the few houses to actually get hit by a tree from their own yard.

Sucks to be them. This made the cover of the Urbana Daily Citizen, America’s only 3 page daily paper.

The Innards of the car tree.

This is the Urbana traffic square, with lights it’s one of the most dangerous intersections in America, without lights it’s a death trap where whoever drives the fastest gets to go first. Never mind the fact that state law requires that any traffic signal not working becomes a four-way stop, these idiots just tear ass right through it.

This is the backyard of the house Megan and I considered buying…Glad we didn’t.

Even in small town America there is still socio economic profiling going on. This is the “Black” street in Urbana. This is posting Friday and as of yet this power line is still not up. The storm came through Sunday afternoon. Wow.

This is the last good picture. This barrel was bouncing all over the place and holding on to that caution tape for dear life, it was kind of funny.

So I hope that everyone had power restored by now. Praise the Lord we never lost power, Jesus knows my dependency on the internet. Nearly everyone in town lost power, and I know that in the back of my mind I know this was nothing compared to what those cats in Texas got.

Give to the Red Cross.

-Ryan

Stupid Mushroom

2008-09-17T16:00:00.000-04:00

This cracked me up. Enjoy everyone.

Picture Monday

2008-09-15T13:57:00.000-04:00

Every Monday a new picture will be posted. It could be funny, sad, cute, or gross, but probably funny. Todays picture comes courtesy of Kevin Byrd from Dayton Ohio.

MY MYSPACE

Kevin Byrd Myspace

Guess the Race

2008-09-12T13:36:00.007-04:00

Today's post is something a bit different then what we've done before, it's a game we like to play called "Guess the Race?" the game is played like this: I'll present a new article and you tell me the race of the people involved in the story.

Today's article come from the very highly respected Chicago Tribune.

A West Side woman who allegedly stabbed her elderly boyfriend to death because he was drinking her beer was ordered held Thursday in lieu of $500,000 bail.

Regina Williams, 55, of the 1000 block of North Waller Avenue appeared in Cook County Bond Court before Judge Israel Desierto, charged with first-degree murder in the slaying of Willie Anderson, 77, of the 2200 block of West Monroe Street.

Just a side note, according to the website felonspy.com this is what it's like to live near Mrs. Regina White

Everyone of those red dots is a convicted felon. Anyway, back to the story.

About 6 p.m. Wednesday, the two were sitting in Anderson's car outside his home when Williams became angry that he was drinking her beer, authorities said. They began to quarrel, and Williams allegedly pulled a knife she carried for protection and began stabbing Anderson.

Anderson yelled for help, but Williams continued to stab him, Assistant State's Atty. Susanne Groebner told Desierto.

Afterward, Williams got out of the car and called down the street to Anderson's nephew, saying, "You better come get your uncle—I just killed him," according to her arrest report.

Groebner said Williams got back in the vehicle and finished drinking her beer.

Williams is on probation for a 2007 felony conviction for aggravated battery.

For verification the article can be found here"You better come get your uncle—I just killed him,"Pure Awesomeness.

So there you have it folks. Post what race you think these two individuals are and if you're ever sitting in a car with Regina White of Chicago Illinois, and she asks you if you would like a sip of her natty light, politely decline...and run.

Case of the Mondays

2008-09-08T22:17:00.003-04:00

The past 24 hours have been hectic. I've worked a ton, been talked down to like a child, AND gotten to cuddle my wife. So in honor of all that here's a picture to brighten you day.
enjoy your week and I'll be in touch soon.

-Ryan

Back in 2 and 2 (who doesn't love Love Connection)

2008-09-04T22:32:00.006-04:00

I know a wonderful woman named Carrie. Carrie needs a man. She's Smart and funny and has a great job. Someone date this wonderful woman. She loves traveling and obsessing over Dave Mathews. When she reads this she will kill me. So if you don't want me to die and you're a male between the ages of 32-44 and you'd like to take this hotty to dinner, contact me at lilking783@gmail.com or better yet leave a comment so she can read you pining over her.

-Ryan

The Most Epic Battle of all time Commences Round 2

2008-08-29T00:46:00.002-04:00

Due to the influx of emails I’ve received about the poll, it’s time to finish this thing up. Starting today the second round of The Most Epic Battle of all time will continue for the next seven days. Next Friday will be the next bracket and so on until it’s finished. I’ve timed the blogs to all post at the same time, so every Friday at 11:00 P.M. a new poll will go up until we’re done. I've started using a new poll system, so vote until your blue in the face.

L'Chayim
-Ryan

P.S. A great new post is going up Monday that I think a lot of people will really enjoy. check back Monday after 4 PM

I am not batgirl...

2008-08-26T14:19:00.003-04:00

So I just wanted to let everyone know that I got bit by a bat Saturday night. I'll let that soak in for a sec, that's right, a bat.

Ryan and I were asleep and I felt something hitting my arm. I thought it was Ryan, but when I looked, his hands were nowhere near my arm. So then I thought, "Maybe I was dreaming," although I was really in denial. So I decided to just go back to sleep. A minute later, I hear the bathroom door creak. So I flip on my back and I see it fly over the bed. I thought maybe it was just a flutter in my eye or something (still in denial) but I saw it again. So I hit Ryan and said, "THERE IS A BAT IN THIS ROOM AND IT HIT MY DAGGON ARM!!!" So he wakes up and says "I see it too." Then it flew into the living room.

Ryan gets up and grabs the tennis racket. We've started keeping a tennis racket in the living room because this makes bat #4 this year. The bat flies in between the living room and the kitchen a few times and then disappears. Ryan calls upstairs to my dad and says "Oh Steve-O, we have a visitor... and it has wings" So while my mom is yelling "Shut that door!" my dad comes downstairs and they try to find the bat. But they can't. So we decide to go back to bed and barricade ourselves in our bedroom.

Sunday morning, I wake up and there is a scratch and a bite mark on my arm where I felt the bat flapping the night before. The bat came out again Sunday night while Ryan and I were gone but my dad still couldn't catch it. It was seriously the smartest bat ever. Ryan thinks they're being genetically engineered next door. So my dad decides to stay up until 5 in the morning to see if it will fly out again. It didn't. I wake up Monday to get ready for work and go into the kitchen to fix my lunch. I turn on the light and I see it hanging from the curtains. So I wake up Ryan and he gets the racket and hits it, but it flies out from under it, circles the living/dining room area a couple times and then decides to hide in our bedroom. And we can't find it again. So I finish getting ready while Ryan lies under the covers with a tennis racket in his hand waiting for it to come out. It doesn't.

I go to work and my dad stays home to wait for it to come out and it doesn't. I got home last night and went to the ER to be vaccinated for rabies. The doctor said it definitely looked like a puncture wound on my arm. So I get a tetanus shot and 3 shots in my hips of the vaccination. I came home from the ER last night and it still wasn't out and the kitchen had been blocked off with a sheet in case the thing tried to hide in there again.

So we have dinner and then go into the living room and wait. When it got dark, we turned the lights out and the TV down and waited. Then it came out. Ryan and my dad both didn't see it so I yell "There it is!!" and run into the bedroom and close the door so it couldn't fly back in there. From the bedroom I can hear my dad and Ryan swinging the tennis racket and then I hear, "You've got to be kidding me!" Apparently, the thing had disappeared again. So they move the quilt cabinet in the corner of the dining room and it's hiding in the corner underneath it. It comes out and Ryan smashes it with the racket while my dad gets a shoe and beats it to death. Then we put it in a mason jar to take to the health department. They'll test it for rabies and if it is negative, I don't have to get the other 3 shots. Needless to say, the 3 shots I got last night have made me feel very sick so I am home from work today. Thanks for the day off rabies!

"You've lived a lie for so long, now you believe it"

2008-08-26T10:50:00.001-04:00

I found this video and feel that everyone should watch it. there are better video's out there but this one is simple and to the point.

1. McCain is an idiot and a liar.
2. Look at the Picture of Mr. Samuel J. Gopher and play the clip.
3. You don't even need to watch the clip, just listen to it and concentrate on the gopher.
4. Realize that McCain never comes close to answering her question.
5. Crack up and share this with a friend.

"It's like bringing a Knife to a Gun Fight"

2008-08-22T14:30:00.000-04:00

The post below is something I wrote to myself like two years ago and
never did anything with. below is what transpired and my thoughts
since then at the end.

Last week I go over to josh and troy’s place to kick it and study
some Romans and all that jazz and I bring up the subject of
vacationing with our significant others and the response I get back
from both is EXACTLY THE SAME.

Troy says “I’ve thought about going up to Chicago with Lindsay with
my friends and her friends but nothing where we would stay the night,
that just wouldn't be a good thing.”

And then josh chimes in, “ I couldn’t put myself in that situation.”
To Which I reply, “Why?”

“Man, I just think the temptation would be to great for something
like that.”

Sheesh. Am I smarter then everyone around me, or just that naïve. I
am really that dumb to think I can travel to the big city, get a

hotel room, and not get super coital. Apparently my self control is
better then that of my associates. We set boundaries early on in our
relationship, and I’m expected to respect those boundaries, as is
she. It’s not like they’re pumping Viagra into the Chicago water
supply just because they know I’m coming. I don’t forsee as soon as I
step into the hotel room, megu slams the door, yells “have your way
with me” and then runs to jump on top of me. (Editor’s Note: not that
I would be opposed to this at all, but ya never know, stranger things
have happened.)*1

I guess this brings me to this whole idea of “!!!CHRISTIAN DATING!!!”
The rules and regulations that “couples” put themselves through are
both unnatural and petty.

“We’re not kissing until we’re engaged.”

“We don’t hold hands.”

“We don’t do things like that.”

No, What you don’t do is act normal.*2

Most people don’t know this but there were actually 15 commandments
but Moses drop one of them tablets (They’re heavy) but researchers
have actually found them and I present them to you now.

11. THOU SHALT BEHAVE WHEN AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX

12. THOU SHALT KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY SMOOCH

13. THOU SHALT KEEP THINES GENITALS IN THOUST TOGA’S UNTIL TOLD

OTHERWISE

14. THOU SHALT BEWARE HOT CHICKS, FOR THEY ARE DANGEROUS

15. THOU SHALT KNOW HOW TO LAY NEXT TO A WOMAN AND NOT HAVE “HANKY

PANKY”

I didn’t know God had such a since of humor, but hey he created
manatees so you can’t put much past him. My favorite has to be 12. it
should have been a law in like 2kings or Hosea or something that said
before a guy proposes to a girl he should get to make out with her
for like 10 minutes to know what’s what. I would be livid if I
married a chick and the night of the honeymoon you get your first
smooch and it’s like kissing a camel. Just thank the Lord that I’m
not a divorce court judge, if a dude came in and was like, “look,
judge, sleeping with this woman is like having sex with a buffalo.”

“judgment for the plaintiff.”

Now, granted I am being a little phecieous, but you get my point. And
no I’m not talking about rampant Sex in the middle of the street but
on the same token you should be knowledgeable of your partner and
their body. Bottom line, just take the time smooch on your chick a
little bit, she’ll want you too. And if she doesn’t, then get rid of
her because chances are she’s more trouble then she’s worth.

*1 This has since happened, which is AWESOME, love you doodlebug ;)

*2 I know that if certain people read this (namely josh and Troy)
that I'm going to catch alot of crap for it, but you know what, when
I wrote this originally, I thought it and you what, I still do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After thoughts

After rereading that, I stand by it. I'll concede to that fact that
the relationship Megan and I have is not exactly what you would call
normal, but it's the best one I've ever been in. I want to make it
clear that I have all the respect in the world for someone who
chooses to have this kind of relationship, it's weird and doesn't
make you anymore sanctified then me, but I'm not going to disrespect
it.

----------------
Now playing: A Perfect Circle - Renholdër
via FoxyTunes

"A lust for complete nothingness"

2008-08-21T22:52:00.002-04:00

Let me preface this Post. I LOVE MY WIFE!!!
but if she ever leaves me, I'm finding one of these chicks.

ENJOY!!!!

- Watch more free videos

"Mediocrity is the killer"

2008-08-20T15:00:00.001-04:00

I went through my computer last night and found all of these old notes I had written to myself. I'll post another one Friday but below is one from my days at NBA. this was written sometime during the summer of 2006.

Today at work this supervisor Christine, who if she was a guy would be renamed Mike Hunt, asked me if I’ve ever heard of a guy named Gerry Rafferty.

I’m like “no, got no clue.” Didn’t know if he was a client, a new hire or what.

She said, “he wrote Boston ave. the song, you know it.”

“No Christine, got no clue.”

“Oh, come on, he was a famous singer in the 70’s and 80’s, you should know him.”

‘Christine, I wasn’t born until 1983, and no, I’ve never heard of him.”

“Really! How old are you?”

“…uh, I’m 25.”

“Wow, your kidding me, your that young. I thought you were in your 30’s”

“wow. 30 huh. Errrite. That’s cool.”

“No. you know. Just the way you are. I just thought you were older that’s all.”

“Well, my hemorrhoids have been itching lately and as of late it does feel like my hair is thinning.”

“…uhhh.”

And at that point, knowing my humor was lost on her, I turned around and put my face on my desk.

So because I pride my self on education and enjoy obtaining knowledge, automatically I’m middle aged. That’s kind of depressing. I take time out of my day to educate all of these idiots that they insist on placing around me at work, and that’s the thanks I get.

The real problem lies in the fact that half of the things I want to say I’m not allowed to and the other half is so condescending that no one would understand them anyways.

I know that’s a very elitist mentality but it’s just the way I feel. Most people are completely complacent with where they are in their lives and that’s just depressing. There are so many things out there in the world to see and do and experience that anyone who just wants to go home watch TV would just be taken out back and shot, society has no use for you. I know that sounds like a terrible thing to say but the only benefit that these people have is I still need someone to screw up my taco bell order and I still need someone give me the wrong change when I get gas, and until they make a completely self sufficient machine, I still need someone to pickup my garbage. I mean sweet juicy Jesus, read a book. And the author needs to have a PH, D. after his name. and no before you ask Dr. Atkins and Dr. Phil don’t count (Dr. Phil has his own circle of hell waiting on him.)

Random Thought Hump Day

2008-08-13T22:17:00.002-04:00

So rather then one big blog today, I thought i would post a bunch of little blogs. So below is the first edition of Random Thought Hump Day.

1. The list of words that are but fun that I'm not allowed to say is growing: RETARD. which is sad, I love the word RETARD

2. Kent and Farno are getting married, Congrats to them. Stay single Martin, Brooklyn needs a Bachelor.

3. What is the Revolution Church? it sounds interesting, someone let me know.

4. The Internet was down last night. I think I may be addicted.

5. the Reds suck and have no one worth seeing, yet an hour of driving and spending 60 bucks sounds like a good idea.

6.The new Norma Jean album is great, everyone should give it a listen.

7.Megan and I want to start a business. Who likes pickles, jelly and pasta sauce?

8. the posting contest ends Friday, HAVE YOU ENTERED?!?!?!?!?!?!?

"You wear that Cross like a Dagger"

2008-08-10T18:00:00.003-04:00

HOUSTON (AP) — Renowned evangelical pastor Joel Osteen told jurors Friday that his wife never assaulted a flight attendant over a small spill on her airplane seat.

Osteen was called as a witness Friday in the civil trial of a lawsuit filed by Continental Airlines flight attendant Sharon Brown, who has accused Victoria Osteen of assaulting her before the start of a 2005 flight to Vail, Colo.

During nearly two hours of testimony, Joel Osteen, who was on the same flight, said the incident was "an unfortunate misunderstanding" stemming from his wife's requests for flight attendants to clean up a spill on the armrest of her first-class seat.

Ok, first of all, the article doesn't say the flight attendant spilled the drink on her or even spilled the drink at all. From this point Mrs. Osteen really starts to shine.

Victoria Osteen said when she first told a flight attendant about the spill, she was handed some napkins. She said she responded, "'It's not my job.' I didn't say it in an ugly tone of voice."

"We would never disrespect authority or disrespect (Brown). There's no way in the world," Victoria Osteen assaulted Brown, said Joel Osteen, who was called to the witness stand by Brown's attorney, Reginald McKamie.

Osteen then serenaded the courtroom with his split tongue southern draw, "I'm too busy counting the millions I've made from the suckers who have bought my books to disrespect authority."

Then just in case you have you have no clue who these people are or why you should care about any of this...

Joel and Victoria Osteen are co-pastors of Houston's Lakewood Church, which draws about 42,000 people each week for services. Joel Osteen's weekly television address is broadcast nationally and internationally and who has written books that have been sold around the globe.

On Thursday, another flight attendant on the plane, Maria Johnson, testified that Victoria Osteen demanded special attention to clean up the small spill. When she didn't get her way, Osteen became verbally and physically abusive to both flight attendants, eventually grabbing Brown by the shoulders, elbowing her in the chest( note: I've also heard it was "the left breast" CAT FIGHT and pushing her out of the way in an attempt to get into the cockpit, Johnson testified.

Brown claims in her lawsuit that after pushing her, Victoria Osteen tried to get into the cockpit. Victoria Osteen denied that, telling jurors she just wanted to get away from the situation.

I've flown first class, and it ain't that big. "Away from the situation," where are you going babes, from the front of the closet to the back of the closet? Retard.

McKamie also asked Joel Osteen why he said in one of his religious messages that if it wasn't for him, his wife would be in prison.

Osteen said he meant it to be a comical statement about the differences between him and his wife, that he likes routine and considers himself boring while his wife is outgoing and likes to go to new restaurants and new places.

"You don't go to jail because you like different restaurants, do you?" McKamie asked, as the packed courtroom laughed.

"No sir," Joel Osteen said.

I have no clue why this is in the article or why it's relevant. what a douche. make that a douche nozzle, that's the business end.

McKamie also asked Osteen whether his family was used to getting special treatment, making reference to an anecdote in one of the pastor's books in which he wrote about being allowed to take an expensive television camera onboard a flight to India even though it was against the rules.

"You feel that you're entitled to the favor of God ... to do things other people can't do," McKamie said.

"All of God's children are," Osteen said.

"and by "all of God's children" I mean anyone who has ever prayed for Jesus to mail them money because I've told them to," Osteen added.

Brown has claimed the flight attendants asked to have Victoria Osteen removed from the plane, but Joel Osteen testified he and his family left voluntarily.

The Federal Aviation Administration fined Victoria Osteen $3,000 for interfering with a crew member.

Joel Osteen said his wife did not want to pay the fine but he convinced her to do so because he thought it would be a way to put the incident behind them even though they felt they did nothing wrong.

Brown wants an apology and punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of Victoria Osteen's net worth as part of her lawsuit. Brown claims she suffers from depression and post-traumatic stress disorder because of the incident and that her faith has been affected. She is also suing for counseling expenses.

Dear parishioners of Lakewood Church, y'all better pass the offering plate around again this week, because when Vicki spills her third rum and coke on her arm rest, someone's gonna get a titty twister.

That's Hot

2008-08-08T16:40:00.005-04:00

So first of all, let me say that I heart tomatoes. I got some from a guy at work and just ate one and it was delicious. Now onto the dumb comment of the day...

A lady at work today said that Paris Hilton was the reason other nations don't respect the United States. Let me put this into context. We were watching CNN at lunch and they were talking about the video Paris Hilton did in response to John McCain's political ad. (Ryan note: If you haven't see it, I embedded it below)

They were showing some comments that people had given and one said something along the lines of I'd rather have Paris Hilton in politics than John McCain in a sex video (which I totally agree with btw...eww). That's when the lady said that Paris Hilton was the reason other nations didn't respect the United States. And it wasn't like a "other nations don't respect the US because of things or people like Paris Hilton" kind of comment, it was a "Specifically, Paris Hilton is the reason other nations don't respect the US" kind of comment. While I do agree that Paris Hilton is an embarassment to this country, she is more than likely not the reason we garner such little respect from some nations. Most of it probably has to do with the moral compass (or lack thereof) of this country as a whole, as well as the crap job our nation's leader has done.

So, question of the day: Who/what do you think is responsible for our country's lack of respect?

The Most Epic Battle of all time Commences Part 4

2008-08-03T22:59:00.002-04:00

Hello guys and dolls, so I've finally gotten around to posting the next poll so we can finish this little project up. This round will be the one I'm most truly worried about simply because I think no one listens to any of these bands so no one will vote. but I vote and my vote is heaviest anyways.
I also put in a new feature for everyone. I changed how the polls go, so that means that everyone gets one extra vote per poll, SO VOTE AGAIN!!!
finally make sure you leave a comment so you can win so cash (see me look like a dumbass below) but more importantly then winning cash, you can stop DUG from winning the money, because it will break my heart to give it to him.

Since this is the last single round of brackets and we move to the big dog rounds next week I'm more then will to listen to suggestions to see how it should be setup. until next time.

L'Chayim,
-Ryan

Question of the day: do you remember the show "You Can't Do That on Television"? if so, what was your favorite part?

Open Mouth insert Foot

2008-07-30T00:27:00.002-04:00

Dear Celia,
I'm an asshole. Plain and simple. I shot my mouth off before thinking.Ii realized that once I posted my reaction that the only people who read my blog are people who know me, and no one I know deserves to be call an idiot. So please accept my sincere apology and for the record you're on pace to win 20 of the 30 dollars, subscribe to the feed and you can donate the money to the Jerry Lewis telethon, or ice cream whichever. so in summation, I'm retarded please still love me.

-Ryan

P.S. on a completely unrelated note, DUG learn how to spell ridiculous, ya idiot.

I feel so small right now...

2008-07-29T16:47:00.002-04:00

Dear Anonymous (Celia),
Sorry friend! It was wrong of us to jump to conclusions and not take your suggestion as genuine instead of sarcasm. Normally I don't do things like that and hate it when people do but now I am among that crowd and I hate it even more. Please accept our sincerest apology and know that we feel horrible for getting so worked up about something so silly. Apparently, we were both in combative moods that day (no excuse) and wanted to vent about something and your anonymous comment sparked our fury. We were punished that night by a raccoon that stole our cookies though. Seriously. We were sitting by the fire and the cookies were in between Andrew and Lisa's chairs and the raccoon just took them and ran off into the woods. So, again, please accept our apology and don't hate us for being dumb and presumptuous.

RE:The voice of reason

2008-07-25T14:44:00.002-04:00

This is why I heart my husband. Because we think the same. So here's my rant in not so fluid form...
Dear Anonymous,
How do you know the person that wins the money doesn't really need it? Who doesn't really need money right now anyway? 10 bucks means you only have to pay $40 out of your own pocket for gas instead of $50. 10 bucks means you can buy your mom a card and a box of chocolates to show her how much you love her. 10 bucks means you can take your girlfriend to McDonalds. And, we've already given much more than $30 to several organizations (World Vision and Campus Crusade were left off of my husband's list btw). So now we just want to give money to our friends. Sure, there are some selfish reasons behind it, like wanting people to read our blog and think it's funny and not take it too seriously, but if we have the money to give away, we can give it away to whomever or whatever we want. We could even give it to you so you could give it to the someone or something of your choosing, but you didn't leave your name so you lose.
Now I'm going camping.

The voice of reason

2008-07-25T10:02:00.003-04:00

So I felt the need to respond to this the moment I read it. I finally get someone to leave a comment, and as I’ve stated in the past I will respond to any comment left but I felt I should be especially hasty in responding to this one.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Who doesn't love money":

Why wouldn't you just give $30 to someone or something (an organization or what have you) who really needs it?

First and foremost the word that makes me so pissed I could scream is the first word I read, Anonymous. Now I understand if you don’t have a Google account so it wont show your real name but all you have to do to alleviate that is this.

Sincerely,
-Whoeveriam

Secondly and more importantly what gives you the right to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do with my money. How do you know what amount of money I give to people or organizations each year. You know why wouldn’t know, because you never asked you smart ass. I give substantial amounts of money to organizations like RadioU and Inner City Impact each year, you can also ask people I know that I tend to be the guy giving money to the homeless dude downtown who comes up to ask for it. So don’t question what I do with my money, its mine. I worked for it and if I want to pile it all up, slide down it and then set it on fire, so be it, I can do that.

Third, the point of doing it the way i'm doing is to get people to post and to get their freinds and family to read, is to entice them with cold hard cash. looks like it backfired on me because the only person who posted hates the idea of free money.

Finally you an idiot. Because If you would have left your name, you could have won at least 20 of the 30 dollars and then gone to the pound and saved a puppy from the gas chamber. Good on ya.

L’Chayim,
-Ryan

----------------
Now playing: Lamb Of God - Omerta
via FoxyTunes

Who doesn't love money

2008-07-24T09:55:00.000-04:00

In my seeming rather futile quest to garner attention from the billions of people on the Internet and to get some type of back and forth dialog on this machine I’ve created I realized I’m going about it the wrong way. I’ve always hoped that people liked what I’ve had to say and that’s why you visit the blog and vote or leave a comment or whatever, but I now realize that’s completely wrong. You go to the blog hoping to find something you can relate to. We’ll I’ve been thinking about what everyone can relate to and this is what I’ve come up with:

1. Money

2. Sex

3. Pizza

4. A hatred of Canadians (they’re to nice not to be up to something)

We’re all slaves to the dollar in some shape or form, so here's how its going to be. between now and August 15th I will be giving away 30 dollars. thats right a real twenty dollars. 10 bucks will go to the person who posts the most comments between now and August 15th. the other 10 bucks will go to one person who posts a comment on a random blog of my choosing. you can back post on the blog, so go back through the archives and post on some old stuff. The last 10 dollars will go to one select person who clicks the little button in the corner to subscribe to the feed. When you subscribe kill two birds with one stone and post a comment saying you subscribed.

What this also means is that one ambitious person can win all three contests. Also Megan (who I decided to put on the payroll as a regular) and I will be posting ATLEAST ten new blogs between now and August 15th. Please post so you can take my money, Ya Jerks.

L'Chayim,
-Ryan

The Other Lew

2008-07-20T21:10:00.001-04:00

Hello! This is the other Lew. I have some life lessons of my own. Basically, most of my lessons will be “don’t be dumb and don’t say things that make you look super uneducated.” I’ll also probably be telling funny stories about people in my family. I have a few things saved up but I think I’m going to spread them out because I don’t know when conversations as good as these will happen again.
I’ll begin with one particular lady at work. She’s an older lady who is very opinionated and will probably be the focus of most of my lessons. As many of you may know, Tony Snow died last Saturday from colon cancer that had spread to his liver. First of all, let this event be a lesson to all of you stubborn men (and women too) to get a colonoscopy. For those of you who don’t know who Tony Snow is, he was the Press Secretary for President George W. Bush from April 2006 to September 2007. He also served George H. W. Bush as chief speech writer and later Deputy Assistant to the President for Media Affairs. Prior to his stints at the White House, Mr. Snow was a journalist who won numerous awards as a syndicated columnist. Anyway, at work this past Monday, the news was talking about Tony Snow and what a great man he was and how nice he was and how he was a wonderful American citizen and father. To which Naomi says, “He was a handsome man but he needs a new hair cut. His wife should have said something about that.” Really? I think it’s a little late for that. Maybe his wife told the mortician to take a little off the top for his funeral. I’ll bet that was the first thing on her mind. Never mind the fact that she just lost her husband and the father of her three children at age 53.

Ok so onto something a little light-hearted. My mother is probably one of the least inappropriate people I know. She doesn’t like to talk about bodily functions, never burps and only toots in her sleep (I’m sure she’d kill me for saying all of this and be totally embarrassed). So the other day, she comes out of the bathroom and looks at me very seriously and says, “Do you ever go to the bathroom and wipe and your toilet paper is clean? It’s like it just slides right out.” So here’s the question of the day: Have you ever gone to the bathroom and wiped and your toilet paper was clean? Please respond in the comments section. I am genuinely interested. Thanks for reading!