The Truth About Stimulus Payments

"Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus
Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China . Your children are
expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
"A. Shut up."


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs
and Al Queda

If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras , Chile , and Guatemala .

If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea .

If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India.

If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan.

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Fact of the Week: A New Hope

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave a comment if you guys are enjoying these. I like them but if you guys don't I'll reduce the amount I put out.

In the U.S., rural students perform below average on standardized test; suburban children are in the middle of the curve, while urban children score higher then average. It may be that cities attract a more educated workforce and, therefore, parents with smarter kids.
That’s why in the small-ass town I live in the schools mascot is called a hill climber, WTF is a hill climber?

Fact of the Week and the Temple of Doom

In a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

The economist Kevin Murphy has calculated that in terms of long-term health implications, a cheeseburger costs $2.50 more than a salad.

That is why Big Macs have lettuce and onions on it, salad on beef.

Raiders of the Fact of the Week

In a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

According to prediction models, the expected rises on tempature and precipitation due to global warming will actually increase annual agricultural production in the U.S., and therefore agricultural profits, by about 4 percent, or $1.3 Billion.

And all of this extra food will go towards making America “Officially” the most obese nation on the planet. We’ll see no need to feed all the rest of the world with this surplus, the skinny darkies can fend for themselves.

Another Fact of the Week

Fact of the Week is a new feature to Lewlessons, in a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

In nineteenth-century Bavaria, excessive rain led to an increase in property crime. Why? The rain damaged the rye crop, which raised food prices, which led hungry families to steal. Violent crime, however went down. Rye was also used to make beer, so a price spike in rye led to a price spike in beer. As less beer was consumed, there were fewer assaults and murders

Fact of the Week

Fact of the Week is a new feature to Lewlessons, in a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

In the lobby of a Hyatt hotel, a one-day pass for wireless Internet connection cost $10.95. Not cheap, but standard for nice hotels. In the hotel’s ballroom, however- where corporate conferences are typically held-a one-day pass costs $300. Economists refer to such a scenario as price discrimination. Economists also refer to this as some ol’ Bullsh**.

Fact of the Week and the Last Crusade

Fact of the Week Boys and Girls!!

In the lobby of a Hyatt hotel, a one-day pass for wireless Internet connection cost $10.95. Not cheap, but standard for nice hotels. In the hotel’s ballroom, however- where corporate conferences are typically held-a one-day pass costs $300. Economists refer to such a scenario as price discrimination. Economists also refer to this as some ol’ Bullsh**.