Don't be that Girl

Found this and it cracked me up.


Tom,


It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.


There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.


I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.



- Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for
'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'.
You did a stupid thing huh?


No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid
thing'; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing';
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if

it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
that by saying 'Well, I didn't Fuck him' somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think
you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,

Tom

Original article can be found here

Rocky Mountain Wedding

Congrats to Josh and Emily Radcliffe!!!!!


By the time most of you guys read this I'll be in Denver Colorado At the McQuinn/Radcliffe wedding. Congrats to the both of them. leave them some well wishes at

www.emilyandjosh.com

finally today I'll leave you with this cool pic



Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get retarded in the Mile High City. SILVER BULLET!!!!

Guess the Race

Today's post is something a bit different then what we've done before, it's a game we like to play called "Guess the Race?" the game is played like this: I'll present a new article and you tell me the race of the people involved in the story.

Today's article come from the very highly respected Chicago Tribune.

A West Side woman who allegedly stabbed her elderly boyfriend to death because he was drinking her beer was ordered held Thursday in lieu of $500,000 bail.

Regina Williams, 55, of the 1000 block of North Waller Avenue appeared in Cook County Bond Court before Judge Israel Desierto, charged with first-degree murder in the slaying of Willie Anderson, 77, of the 2200 block of West Monroe Street.

Just a side note, according to the website felonspy.com this is what it's like to live near Mrs. Regina White

Everyone of those red dots is a convicted felon. Anyway, back to the story.

About 6 p.m. Wednesday, the two were sitting in Anderson's car outside his home when Williams became angry that he was drinking her beer, authorities said. They began to quarrel, and Williams allegedly pulled a knife she carried for protection and began stabbing Anderson.

Anderson yelled for help, but Williams continued to stab him, Assistant State's Atty. Susanne Groebner told Desierto.

Afterward, Williams got out of the car and called down the street to Anderson's nephew, saying, "You better come get your uncle—I just killed him," according to her arrest report.

Groebner said Williams got back in the vehicle and finished drinking her beer.

Williams is on probation for a 2007 felony conviction for aggravated battery.

For verification the article can be found here"You better come get your uncle—I just killed him,"Pure Awesomeness.

So there you have it folks. Post what race you think these two individuals are and if you're ever sitting in a car with Regina White of Chicago Illinois, and she asks you if you would like a sip of her natty light, politely decline...and run.

Back in 2 and 2 (who doesn't love Love Connection)

I know a wonderful woman named Carrie. Carrie needs a man. She's Smart and funny and has a great job. Someone date this wonderful woman. She loves traveling and obsessing over Dave Mathews. When she reads this she will kill me. So if you don't want me to die and you're a male between the ages of 32-44 and you'd like to take this hotty to dinner, contact me at lilking783@gmail.com or better yet leave a comment so she can read you pining over her.

-Ryan