TGIF Jam: Poison

Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison


Apparently Biv had met my wife when he wrote this song "Never trust a big butt and a smile."

SNL is very hit or miss, but this is total hit

I thought this was hysterical. You probably won't.

Don't be that Girl

Found this and it cracked me up.


Tom,


It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.


There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.


I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.



- Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for
'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'.
You did a stupid thing huh?


No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid
thing'; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing';
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if

it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
that by saying 'Well, I didn't Fuck him' somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think
you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,

Tom

Original article can be found here

Picture Monday

Every Monday a new picture will be posted. It could be funny, sad, cute, or gross, but probably funny. Todays picture comes courtesy of Kevin Byrd from Dayton Ohio.




MY MYSPACE

Kevin Byrd Myspace

"It's like bringing a Knife to a Gun Fight"

The post below is something I wrote to myself like two years ago and
never did anything with. below is what transpired and my thoughts
since then at the end.



Last week I go over to josh and troy’s place to kick it and study
some Romans and all that jazz and I bring up the subject of
vacationing with our significant others and the response I get back
from both is EXACTLY THE SAME.

Troy says “I’ve thought about going up to Chicago with Lindsay with
my friends and her friends but nothing where we would stay the night,
that just wouldn't be a good thing.”

And then josh chimes in, “ I couldn’t put myself in that situation.”
To Which I reply, “Why?”

“Man, I just think the temptation would be to great for something
like that.”

Sheesh. Am I smarter then everyone around me, or just that naïve. I
am really that dumb to think I can travel to the big city, get a

hotel room, and not get super coital. Apparently my self control is
better then that of my associates. We set boundaries early on in our
relationship, and I’m expected to respect those boundaries, as is
she. It’s not like they’re pumping Viagra into the Chicago water
supply just because they know I’m coming. I don’t forsee as soon as I
step into the hotel room, megu slams the door, yells “have your way
with me” and then runs to jump on top of me. (Editor’s Note: not that
I would be opposed to this at all, but ya never know, stranger things
have happened.)*1

I guess this brings me to this whole idea of “!!!CHRISTIAN DATING!!!”
The rules and regulations that “couples” put themselves through are
both unnatural and petty.

“We’re not kissing until we’re engaged.”

“We don’t hold hands.”

“We don’t do things like that.”

No, What you don’t do is act normal.*2

Most people don’t know this but there were actually 15 commandments
but Moses drop one of them tablets (They’re heavy) but researchers
have actually found them and I present them to you now.

11. THOU SHALT BEHAVE WHEN AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX

12. THOU SHALT KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY SMOOCH

13. THOU SHALT KEEP THINES GENITALS IN THOUST TOGA’S UNTIL TOLD

OTHERWISE

14. THOU SHALT BEWARE HOT CHICKS, FOR THEY ARE DANGEROUS

15. THOU SHALT KNOW HOW TO LAY NEXT TO A WOMAN AND NOT HAVE “HANKY

PANKY”



I didn’t know God had such a since of humor, but hey he created
manatees so you can’t put much past him. My favorite has to be 12. it
should have been a law in like 2kings or Hosea or something that said
before a guy proposes to a girl he should get to make out with her
for like 10 minutes to know what’s what. I would be livid if I
married a chick and the night of the honeymoon you get your first
smooch and it’s like kissing a camel. Just thank the Lord that I’m
not a divorce court judge, if a dude came in and was like, “look,
judge, sleeping with this woman is like having sex with a buffalo.”

“judgment for the plaintiff.”

Now, granted I am being a little phecieous, but you get my point. And
no I’m not talking about rampant Sex in the middle of the street but
on the same token you should be knowledgeable of your partner and
their body. Bottom line, just take the time smooch on your chick a
little bit, she’ll want you too. And if she doesn’t, then get rid of
her because chances are she’s more trouble then she’s worth.

*1 This has since happened, which is AWESOME, love you doodlebug ;)

*2 I know that if certain people read this (namely josh and Troy)
that I'm going to catch alot of crap for it, but you know what, when
I wrote this originally, I thought it and you what, I still do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After thoughts

After rereading that, I stand by it. I'll concede to that fact that
the relationship Megan and I have is not exactly what you would call
normal, but it's the best one I've ever been in. I want to make it
clear that I have all the respect in the world for someone who
chooses to have this kind of relationship, it's weird and doesn't
make you anymore sanctified then me, but I'm not going to disrespect
it.



----------------
Now playing: A Perfect Circle - Renholdër
via FoxyTunes

"A lust for complete nothingness"

Let me preface this Post. I LOVE MY WIFE!!!
but if she ever leaves me, I'm finding one of these chicks.

ENJOY!!!!


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