Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Open Mouth insert Foot

Dear Celia,
I'm an asshole. Plain and simple. I shot my mouth off before thinking.Ii realized that once I posted my reaction that the only people who read my blog are people who know me, and no one I know deserves to be call an idiot. So please accept my sincere apology and for the record you're on pace to win 20 of the 30 dollars, subscribe to the feed and you can donate the money to the Jerry Lewis telethon, or ice cream whichever. so in summation, I'm retarded please still love me.


P.S. on a completely unrelated note, DUG learn how to spell ridiculous, ya idiot.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I feel so small right now...

Dear Anonymous (Celia),
Sorry friend! It was wrong of us to jump to conclusions and not take your suggestion as genuine instead of sarcasm. Normally I don't do things like that and hate it when people do but now I am among that crowd and I hate it even more. Please accept our sincerest apology and know that we feel horrible for getting so worked up about something so silly. Apparently, we were both in combative moods that day (no excuse) and wanted to vent about something and your anonymous comment sparked our fury. We were punished that night by a raccoon that stole our cookies though. Seriously. We were sitting by the fire and the cookies were in between Andrew and Lisa's chairs and the raccoon just took them and ran off into the woods. So, again, please accept our apology and don't hate us for being dumb and presumptuous.

Friday, July 25, 2008

RE:The voice of reason

This is why I heart my husband. Because we think the same. So here's my rant in not so fluid form...
Dear Anonymous,
How do you know the person that wins the money doesn't really need it? Who doesn't really need money right now anyway? 10 bucks means you only have to pay $40 out of your own pocket for gas instead of $50. 10 bucks means you can buy your mom a card and a box of chocolates to show her how much you love her. 10 bucks means you can take your girlfriend to McDonalds. And, we've already given much more than $30 to several organizations (World Vision and Campus Crusade were left off of my husband's list btw). So now we just want to give money to our friends. Sure, there are some selfish reasons behind it, like wanting people to read our blog and think it's funny and not take it too seriously, but if we have the money to give away, we can give it away to whomever or whatever we want. We could even give it to you so you could give it to the someone or something of your choosing, but you didn't leave your name so you lose.
Now I'm going camping.

The voice of reason

So I felt the need to respond to this the moment I read it. I finally get someone to leave a comment, and as I’ve stated in the past I will respond to any comment left but I felt I should be especially hasty in responding to this one.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Who doesn't love money":

Why wouldn't you just give $30 to someone or something (an organization or what have you) who really needs it?

First and foremost the word that makes me so pissed I could scream is the first word I read, Anonymous. Now I understand if you don’t have a Google account so it wont show your real name but all you have to do to alleviate that is this.


Secondly and more importantly what gives you the right to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do with my money. How do you know what amount of money I give to people or organizations each year. You know why wouldn’t know, because you never asked you smart ass. I give substantial amounts of money to organizations like RadioU and Inner City Impact each year, you can also ask people I know that I tend to be the guy giving money to the homeless dude downtown who comes up to ask for it. So don’t question what I do with my money, its mine. I worked for it and if I want to pile it all up, slide down it and then set it on fire, so be it, I can do that.

Third, the point of doing it the way i'm doing is to get people to post and to get their freinds and family to read, is to entice them with cold hard cash. looks like it backfired on me because the only person who posted hates the idea of free money.

Finally you an idiot. Because If you would have left your name, you could have won at least 20 of the 30 dollars and then gone to the pound and saved a puppy from the gas chamber. Good on ya.


Now playing: Lamb Of God - Omerta
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Who doesn't love money

In my seeming rather futile quest to garner attention from the billions of people on the Internet and to get some type of back and forth dialog on this machine I’ve created I realized I’m going about it the wrong way. I’ve always hoped that people liked what I’ve had to say and that’s why you visit the blog and vote or leave a comment or whatever, but I now realize that’s completely wrong. You go to the blog hoping to find something you can relate to. We’ll I’ve been thinking about what everyone can relate to and this is what I’ve come up with:

1. Money

2. Sex

3. Pizza

4. A hatred of Canadians (they’re to nice not to be up to something)

We’re all slaves to the dollar in some shape or form, so here's how its going to be. between now and August 15th I will be giving away 30 dollars. thats right a real twenty dollars. 10 bucks will go to the person who posts the most comments between now and August 15th. the other 10 bucks will go to one person who posts a comment on a random blog of my choosing. you can back post on the blog, so go back through the archives and post on some old stuff. The last 10 dollars will go to one select person who clicks the little button in the corner to subscribe to the feed. When you subscribe kill two birds with one stone and post a comment saying you subscribed.

What this also means is that one ambitious person can win all three contests. Also Megan (who I decided to put on the payroll as a regular) and I will be posting ATLEAST ten new blogs between now and August 15th. Please post so you can take my money, Ya Jerks.


Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Other Lew

Hello! This is the other Lew. I have some life lessons of my own. Basically, most of my lessons will be “don’t be dumb and don’t say things that make you look super uneducated.” I’ll also probably be telling funny stories about people in my family. I have a few things saved up but I think I’m going to spread them out because I don’t know when conversations as good as these will happen again.
I’ll begin with one particular lady at work. She’s an older lady who is very opinionated and will probably be the focus of most of my lessons. As many of you may know, Tony Snow died last Saturday from colon cancer that had spread to his liver. First of all, let this event be a lesson to all of you stubborn men (and women too) to get a colonoscopy. For those of you who don’t know who Tony Snow is, he was the Press Secretary for President George W. Bush from April 2006 to September 2007. He also served George H. W. Bush as chief speech writer and later Deputy Assistant to the President for Media Affairs. Prior to his stints at the White House, Mr. Snow was a journalist who won numerous awards as a syndicated columnist. Anyway, at work this past Monday, the news was talking about Tony Snow and what a great man he was and how nice he was and how he was a wonderful American citizen and father. To which Naomi says, “He was a handsome man but he needs a new hair cut. His wife should have said something about that.” Really? I think it’s a little late for that. Maybe his wife told the mortician to take a little off the top for his funeral. I’ll bet that was the first thing on her mind. Never mind the fact that she just lost her husband and the father of her three children at age 53.

Ok so onto something a little light-hearted. My mother is probably one of the least inappropriate people I know. She doesn’t like to talk about bodily functions, never burps and only toots in her sleep (I’m sure she’d kill me for saying all of this and be totally embarrassed). So the other day, she comes out of the bathroom and looks at me very seriously and says, “Do you ever go to the bathroom and wipe and your toilet paper is clean? It’s like it just slides right out.” So here’s the question of the day: Have you ever gone to the bathroom and wiped and your toilet paper was clean? Please respond in the comments section. I am genuinely interested. Thanks for reading!