Monday, May 25, 2009

Most of you will wonder why this is funny...

The rest will be cracking up at it.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A Thought on Getting Stimulated

I think that the reason we haven’t started to see visible improvements in the economy can be traced back to two things: politics and patience.

Politics: I’m going to be drawing some relevant comparisons so bare with me. Many historians believe that the cause of the great depression was the cost of WWI and the promotion of buying on credit, along with an uncertainty of the future economic success of the country. This caused the runs on the banks and the crashing of the stock market. Jump to today, where we are fighting a ridiculously expensive war and a changing of the face of politics and what it means for the government to control aspects of our day to day lives (patriot act, gitmo, wiretapping, blackwater.)
When the new deal was enacted, congress did everything they could to help Roosevelt and passed whatever he put before them. The country had a “can do” attitude that was nothing but working towards the good of the whole for the betterment of the nation. Everyone pitched in to accomplish this goal and now, almost 70 years later, things they put into place are still functioning. Things like FDIC, social security, the fair labor act, the FHA and the SEC still help grease the gears of progress. If you compare that attitude to today, we look like jerks. Congress is bickering and drawing lines in the sand, based upon party lines not doing what is best for the people they represent. Companies were practicing some of the most unethical things imaginable and standing with their hands out wanting help when the house of cards they built comes crashing down around their ears.
And then there’s us. We wonder why the sky is falling and all then world is coming to an end, until American Idol comes on and then all of our troubles float away. We should have seen this coming. We can’t just be complacent and keep our heads in the sand until something goes wrong and the demand blood because we were to busy surfing youtube.

Patience: we live in the greatest time in the history of the world. We live in a time where I can hold a device in my hand and talk to someone ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GLOBE. This same device has access to any information you would ever need, instantly, or as long as we have bars. My point being that we need to be a little patient with the stimulus plan.
When the money is coming from the top down, and everyone is pulling there share on the way down, it’s going to take a while to see any results. Let us remember “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Now that being said, giving billions of dollars to companies that obviously don’t know how to run a successful business was one of the dumbest ideas I’ve ever heard of but none the less, let’s give it a little time before we start getting out pitchforks and torches.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Truth About Stimulus Payments

"Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus
Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China . Your children are
expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
"A. Shut up."

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs
and Al Queda

If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras , Chile , and Guatemala .

If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea .

If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India.

If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan.

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Because I don't know when to quit...

this is funny. plain and simple.

Friday, May 8, 2009

My wife thinks I should write a cook book

I though after my last post, I might post something a bit more “civil.” so after much clamoring and ball busting here is the secret Lewis family lasagna recipe.


1 pound of ground hamburger
1 pound of mild Italian sausage
1 bag of mozzarella cheese
1 bag of “pizza” cheese (it’s what it says on the bag)
1 large container of cottage cheese
1 container of parmesan cheese (the powdered shaky outty stuff)
1 box of lasagna noodles
2 jars of spaghetti sauce (whatever kind you wish)
Optional onion
Garlic powder
Italian seasoning
A “big ass” pan

Set the oven to 350. Put on a big pot of boiling water and when it’s rolling, throw in the noodles and let them bad boys cook. Brown the hamburger and sausage together while your waters going, then drain and put back into the frying pan. At this point dice your onion and add in a few shakes of each of the spices, put in what you like, I like a lot. Then mix in your sauce and meat into a BIG bowl, like enough to hold a big salad. From here I put boiling water in the sink and fill it with cold water, you’re good when the noodle are about room temperature.

You’re going to need a large pan, about the size of the pan you cook a turkey in. you’re going to either feed 12 people, or have leftovers for eight months depending on your level of popularity. I layer my lasagna like this

Sauce mix
Cottage cheese (super scientific measurement: spread around a handful.)
Shredded cheese (spread out enough to cover the surface)
Shaky cheese
Sauce mix
Rinse and repeat.

You will probably get three or four layers of noodles deep and you’ll be near the top of the pan. Save lots of shaky parmesan cheese and pizza cheese for the top. Cover the top with the cheeses and throw into the oven. Let it cook at 350 for about 45 minutes.

It be done at the point where you look at and say ”I don think it be done yet, maybe get it mo done fo a bit mo” (for some reason I turn black when I cook, I assume everyone does. Anyways, when it looks almost done, take it out. Leave it on the counter for about 5-10 minutes to cool and settle. Cut and enjoy.

Next recipe: Pot Roast!!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Hail Mary, full of somethin'

Today I went to a catholic mass for the first time for my niece’s first communion and it was an experience I will not soon forget. This may weave back and forth and seem a little discombobulated but I’m trying to cover everything I saw.

First off let me say that I have nothing against anyone who is catholic. You are a follower of Christ just the same as me and in reality as long as you follow what SCRIPTURE says that you should we should all arrive at the same party. That being said here’s how it went down:

We arrive and step into the sanctuary and the first thing that you notice is that it is massive. This place makes apex look like a hole in wall compared to the size of it. The next thing I notice is all the crap everywhere. There are crosses and cups and boxes and thrones and organs and pulpits and tables and chairs and crosses and candles and lanterns and crosses…and this is just the stage. The organ alone was the size of a movie theater screen.

After we find our seats I see that there are three books in front of us in the book holder thing on the back of the pew. Also attached to the pew was a fold out knee rest for those that want to be serious bout some prayin. I opened the first book to check out the Bible, because I’ve always heard that the catholic Bible has more books in it the standard Bible. Alas it was a hymn book. I opened the second book, it was also a hymn book. I knew that the final book was too small to be a Bible, and I was correct, It was another hymnal.

By this time the priest has walked in carrying the largest Bible I’ve ever seen, and I don’t mean in thickness, I mean in size, it was like 30 inches by 20 inches and he held it over his head the whole time. Everyone stands and sings a song and then the priest sing-talks a psalm which was the first thing that freaked me out. He sounded like a monk. And since this post will take forever to cover everything I saw, I’m just going to go over likes and dislikes.


The Priest: the priest was named father Satish and to my surprise was a young Indian man, rather then a old white dude. He interacted well with the children who were known as the “first communicants” and was engaging. We were there for over an hour and his sermon was only 10 minutes long but what he talked about I enjoyed. He spoke to the kids about something that I found to be completely unbiblical but the main point he was trying to make was heard loud and clear, “accepting Christ into your life is the most important thing that you’ll ever do.” I couldn’t agree more, but the way he wanted the children to go about it I’ll go into in a little bit.

The time: I thought we would be sitting there for 3 hours but it took just over and hour.

The exercise: with all of the stand up sit down, I got a bit of a workout.

Dislikes (this list may be longer)

The idolatry: the two biggest things on the stage had the least to do with Christ, unless there is some meaning that I don’t understand. One was a huge gold and blue sun with stars and triangles all over it. What it had to do with Christ I wasn’t sure. The second was this huge square gold picture hanging from the ceiling. It was divided into four pictures: a lion, a goat, an eagle, and a fourth thing that the sun was glaring off of, so I couldn’t really see it, but again, where is Jesus in this?

Scripture: Father Satish told this to innocent children, and I quote, “once you take this sacrament of the body and blood of Christ, you will then be one of God’s children and be allowed to enter Heaven and have Jesus Christ as your savior.” WOW so I sent out a twitter about it:

“I just learned that in order to be saved you have to take communion. He never said where it says that in the Bible, but im sure its in there.” OH WAIT, IT’S NOT!! You know how you become a Christian, let me tell you.

“Romans 10:9-13”
9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." 12For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. “

Or if you don’t like that, then take this one

Acts 16:29-31

29The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" 31They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household."

None of those have to do with crackers or wine. or baptism for that matter.

Now I did catch some flak for the things I tweeted during service and I’ll address those now.

One person stated:
“I'm not sure this is correct. In order to be saved, you must be baptized - to have the "original sin" removed from our soul. Which is why babies are baptized. We receive communion because Jesus asked that we "take this bread and eat, for this is my body; take this wine and drink, for this is my blood". We need years to understand the Catholic religion...Everyone practicing is still learning! 8-)”

The following comes from

“The Bible is abundantly clear of what baptism is, who it is for, and what it accomplishes. In the Bible, only believers who had placed their faith in Christ were baptized - as a public testimony of their faith and identification with Him (Acts 2:38; Romans 6:3-4). Water baptism by immersion is a step of obedience after faith in Christ. It is a proclamation of faith in Christ, a statement of submission to Him, and an identification with His death, burial, and resurrection.

With this in view, infant baptism is not a Biblical practice. An infant cannot place his or her faith in Christ. An infant cannot make a conscious decision to obey Christ. An infant cannot understand what water baptism symbolizes. The Bible does not record any infants being baptized.

Baptism does not save a person. It does not matter if you were baptized by immersion, pouring, or sprinkling - if you have not first trusted in Christ for salvation, baptism (no matter the method) is meaningless and useless. Water baptism by immersion is a step of obedience to be done after salvation as a public profession of faith in Christ and identification with Him. Infant baptism does not fit the Biblical definition of baptism or the Biblical method of baptism.”

But to the point at the bottom, I’ll completely agree with that. “We need years to understand the Catholic religion...Everyone practicing is still learning!” To me this just states that there are so many rituals and rules within your faith that it needs a huge overhaul.

Here are the rules for Christianity

1.Love the Lord and Savior of mankind, Jesus Christ, as your own personal savior and follow his commandments.

2. See rule number 1.

The one thing that I did not mention of the above is the endless chanting. There was a constant call and response during the whole service. “and praise be to you” “Thanks be to God.” “and also with you.” “Praise to you, Lord, Jesus Christ.” “Glory to you, oh Lord” “Lord, hear our prayer.”

I again caught flak for this too.

“For those raised in the Catholic faith, it is not mindless repetition. I think we gain the same benefits as you gain from your church. Every individual experiences different emotions. We seek what inspires us, speaks to our heart. Isn't it funny that every religion thinks it is "THE" religion, and all others are lost?”

Now I hate to keep quoting the Bible, but it is the inerrant word of God, so here goes.

Matthew 6:7-8
7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

Now I’m not saying that Catholics are pagans, far from it, but what I am saying is that prayer is not a ritual. Rather, it is personal conversation between you and God. It is not the length of the prayer that makes it effective, but the sincerity of heart, the depth of faith. "Christians' prayers are measured by weight, not by length." Don't bore God with many words, but no heart! (

When I was hearing these people pray at this church, I couldn’t honestly say that God was there. I know that may sound harsh but the point I’m making is that if your prayers sound like they are hurting you, STOP DOING THEM! It’s a slap in God’s face to just be going through the motions and checking the boxes. If you’re going to pray, do it with zeal and heart or don’t do it at all.

All this being said, I know I’ve made some people rather upset with me today but you know what, I looked at today’s experience through biblical lenses and what I saw is what I saw. If you can argue for anything I saw today with SCRIPTURE, let me know I’d love to see it. I was not judging any person in that building today, nor am I saying that my way is the right way, but what I am saying is that if the Christian faith is based upon the Bible and I saw and heard things today that are not in there, then it’s simply not something I can follow.