Friday, December 26, 2008

Charlie Brown Kwanzaa

I thought in honor of one the oldest, most revered, and well respected holidays of all time, I would post one of my favorite Kwanzaa videos: Charlie Brown Kwanzaa

WARNING: this video will offend you, or it should anyway :P

Now go tell a black person how much you appreciate them.


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Redneck Christmas tree

In the ghetto we make our own trees.

All joking aside, Who wouldn't love this tree in there window.

Merry Christmas from Ryan and Megan.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Brooklyn Loves The World

This weeks sermon is a continuation of what we have already been discussing with a little bit of biblical reference involved. Below is an email I recieved from my man Cub after I had discussed the topic of people hating Christians for being such terrible people. It is unedited and I thank cub for sharing his heart and thoughts.

(Note: Brooklyn is what we call out Quad, which is sort of like a bible study)

After Brooklyn i was reading the next two chapters of Matthew i was up to and i happened to be at Matthew Chapter 23. The first section of the chapter is on "The Seven Woes." Which is the EXACT thing we are were talking about on on Thursday and discussing what's wrong with "Christianity" and why many people in the world have negative feelings about church and Christianity. And i think these seven woe's the Christ spelled out are EXACTLY what is wrong.

1.Shutting the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. (Mat. 23:13-14)

2.Making converts twice as much a son of hell as the converters themselves are. (Mat. 23:15)

3.Claiming that swearing by the temple is nothing, but claiming that swearing by the temple's gold is everything. (Mat. 23:16-22)

4.Obeying the minutiae of the law but neglecting the important facets (Mat. 23:23-24)

5.Being shallow (Mat. 23:25-26)

6.Hypocrisy (Mat. 23:23-27)

7.Claiming that they would have behaved better than their forefathers - even though they build and respect the tombs of those who murdered the prophets. (Mat. 23:29-36)

These are exactly what was wrong in the time of Jesus and the CONTINUE to be wrong today. Every single one of those is a problem with 'christians' and the church in today's time. As we talked about how was someone rebuke his brother when he's doing the same thing. We could look at any one of these and see them all over the place. The more i think about it the more i see hypocrisy in the 'christian' community.

How does this change? What needs to be done? How can people who stereotype christians by the bad experiences they've had or heard about change their heart?

Just some thoughts...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

A Little Christmas Spirit


Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

See the PC Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a 'Holiday'.*
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees up side down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Diversity
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton , Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS , not Happy Holiday!

Please, all Christians join together and wish everyone you meet MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christ is The Reason for the Christmas Season!

Friday, December 19, 2008

TGIF Jam: Du Hast and

Rammstein - Du Hast (you have/hate)

If any has questions about the subtitles on this let me know and I'll explain them.

Rammstein - Feuer frei! (fire at will)

yes that is Vin Diesel, this song was on the XXX soundtrack

Rammstein - Zerstoren (destroy)

This video is unofficial, but it really fit the theme of the song and that opening is one of the best things in music today.

Next week: one wrong move and you're dead

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Street Soccer

I love how we need Wii's and Xbox's when these kids have so much less and yet so much more.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Win A Free Book From A Former Writer On Arrested Development

Show my man over at arrested development blog some love and enter into his contest. the contest goes until the 19th and when you enter the contest, tell'em I sent ya.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Why People Hate Christians

These are two of the many examples of why everyday people hate Christians. Because we are a narrow minded, ignorant, better than thou group of people who know what's best for you and so you should listen to us you dumb bunch of sinners before you all go to hell.

Our first example comes from Alice Shannon of Soldotna Alaska, who writes:

here are a few responses from the people we need to be having the most sincere discussion with about some of our louder "representatives"

I would like to express my sincere gratitude to you, Ms. Shannon!
It’s morons like you that help us “evil” folks illustrate how angry and hateful some so-called “Christians” can be.
If Jesus does exist, I believe he wouldn’t even cross the street to spit on dim-witted hate mongers like yourself.
Have a nice day!!!


What? That's like saying "I don't care if they have never started a fire, but kittens are the reason arson is rampant." One has nothing to do with the other.

the best response to this though would have to come from a man named Neal Coleman, who shares my exact response to this woman, and since he can say it better then I can I'll just leave it to him.

With Protestant Christianity our cultural religion, many Americans are raised, and indeed spend their whole lives, without meeting or getting to know even one atheist. Lack of experiential knowledge breeds fear, which in turn gives rise to resent and hatred. This is the source of Ms. Shannon’s sentiment, and that of those like her.

...In the end, it is ignorance of atheism and atheists that lies at the source of Ms. Shannon’s beliefs. I hope she meets an atheist at some time in her life and realizes just how wrong she is: that it is quite possible to befriend, and indeed love, as Christ would have it, someone whose beliefs are different from her own.

My second example comes from "The Honorable James David Manning, PhD" and he is the head pastor of the Atlah world ministries and he had this to say about President-Elect Obama

I would provide responses to this, but there weren't any that were articulate enough to be worth our time.

I don't care where you are with God, or if you've ever even had a conversation with him, I would love to start a Dialogue with anyone wants to share thoughts and opinions.
On behalf of every Christian you've ever met, I would like to personally apologize for there actions. We are all a broken, sinful group of people are less then you, not better.

Friday, December 12, 2008

TGIFJams: All Soulja boy, all the Time

Here are three video's of the same song, each slightly different enough to warranting a view. enjoy and watch your skin get darker.

The Original

The Funny

The Dope Remix

I'm off to buy some Bathin Apes,

Next week: I'm in the mood for Sauerkraut, stay tuned.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Can't Hold Kinetik Down

My Man KinetiK just dropped his new hit "Questions" all over youtube. Give this a listen and tell me Hip Hops dead son. I DON'T THINK SO.

SNL is very hit or miss, but this is total hit

I thought this was hysterical. You probably won't.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Klondike Bar

I prefer Ice cream Samiches

Jesus was a Cookie Crisp man

I was thinking that from now on I would post an article, or link, or discussion about faith I may be having on Sundays, in keeping with the Sabbath and all. So let me know what you think. this first article comes from the church where me new sister Emily RADCLIFFE attended. It's by By Kevin Feldotto

A taste for granola I live in Colorado Springs, home of God. There are more Christian ministries in this town than you can shake a Harry Potter book at. Apparently, this makes us some sort of Christian Mecca. I'm not buying it.

The ugly truth is that we are a town divided by hate. It's the granola-eating, pacifist, pro-homosexual tree-huggers versus the holier-than-thou, flag-waving, pro-life, Bible-thumpers, and we have been divided for a decade. We don't have time to stand in the park and yell at each other, so we wage war with our bumper stickers. "FOCUS ON YOUR OWN DAMN FAMILY" is a popular bumper sticker that reveals more about our community than about any organization.

Being a Christian conservative, I am keenly aware of this battle. Recently I saw a bumper sticker that made me spew my latte. It read, "DOING MY PART TO PISS OFF THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT." While that would make some wish they had a shoulder-mounted grenade launcher, it made me laugh out loud. Personally, I love controversy not for the sake of confrontation, but because it makes people think.

I wanted to kidnap the owners of the bumper sticker (with my grenade launcher) and buy them a beer. I would ask them how they feel about the religious; how they feel about the right. Then I would ask them how they feel about Christians. I would then do something so radical, it would completely freak them out. I would listen; no arguing, no defending, just listening. In fact, I might just be nodding my head in agreement.

You see, I am one of the religious right, and I don't like us. Our ranks are filled with arrogant know-it-alls who wear the label "evangelical" like some kind of medal; people who think "right" refers not to their political stance but to their level of correctness. If you are not a member of the club, you probably know what I mean. As soon as they figure out your label, you get the distinct impression that you have dog doo on your shoes.

I was still laughing about the "religious right" sticker when it hit me: If Jesus had a car, he might have had that bumper sticker on it, right next to the one that said "WHAT WOULD I DO?"

Hear me out on this. Whenever Jesus went on the attack, who did he launch against? It wasn't the liberals; it was the religious right, the conservatives. It was the religious leaders who knew the Scriptures like they were written on their underwear. The pious people who were convinced that they had the corner on being right.

Instead of giving them a good ol' boy slap on the back, he got in their faces at every opportunity. Time and again, Jesus said, "Have you not read?" He knew darn well they had not only read it, they had memorized it. When he repeatedly remarked, "You have heard it said this, but I say to you that," he purposefully challenged their authority. When Jesus healed a man on the Sabbath, he was not ignorant of rabbinical law. He did it to force the issue.

I find it very interesting that he never seemed to hang with the religious right. He ended up at parties with the wild crowd, while the conservatives hovered outside and talked about what he was doing wrong. He intentionally spent time with those whom the conservatives looked down on.

What does this say about us as evangelicals? Perhaps we don't have the corner on being right. (Be still my heart.) Possibly, we have been unwilling to see our weaknesses because of our own arrogance. Could it be that the bumper sticker, "THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT IS NEITHER" is more than just wordplay? We need to be willing to honestly ask ourselves if we have been wrong. No, I take that back. The question should not be "Am I wrong?" but "Where am I wrong?"

Now that I have voiced these heresies, I may get thrown out of the club. That may be OK. If you're a pro-homosexual, tree-hugging pacifist, let's talk. I actually like granola.

The main idea of this article is something that some of the boys in my Quad have been talking about lately, basically the fact that "I am a follower of Christ" and not a "Christian."
I would love to hear from anyone with you're thoughts on this. If you love christans or hate them, please let me know. I PROMISE you won't be judged, or try to be converted, or told why you're being a sinner. If you don't want to leave a comment, email me This is not a discussion that is ending soon, I have more articles and thoughts on this subject.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Motivational Posters

I know that most of these posters people have seen before, and these things are a little '05, but I like them. so here are some of my favorites.

I know that most of these posters people have seen before, and these things are a little '05, but I like them. so here are some of my favorites.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

TGIF Jam: DVNO and Stress

This week we're presenting two videos. for one because they're from the same artist but completely different, and two, because I feel like it. So enjoy.

Justice - DVNO

Justice - Stress

The band if french, that's why you're not understanding anything. and because i'm feeling generous.

Justice - Master of Puppets
(About 1:20 in it gets real DOPE!!)

And just so you know i'm not just shamelessly plugging these guys, I have there album and listen to it nonstop, ask Megan, she's sick of it.

Next week, it'll be time to "Crank that"

Monday, December 1, 2008

These Colrs du not Run

Fact of the Week: A New Hope

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave a comment if you guys are enjoying these. I like them but if you guys don't I'll reduce the amount I put out.

In the U.S., rural students perform below average on standardized test; suburban children are in the middle of the curve, while urban children score higher then average. It may be that cities attract a more educated workforce and, therefore, parents with smarter kids.
That’s why in the small-ass town I live in the schools mascot is called a hill climber, WTF is a hill climber?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Don't be that Girl

Found this and it cracked me up.


It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel
like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am
truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people
in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I
would ever want to wrong in any way.

There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won't even
try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a
stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve
it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us,
what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed.

I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't.
I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this
is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and
stupid, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and
weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect
that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I
hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person,
because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back
what happened. I am so sorry.

- Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under 'L' for
'Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about'.
You did a stupid thing huh?

No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is 'a stupid
thing'; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is 'a stupid thing';
Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar
wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran
that morning isn't as much a 'Stupid thing' as it is grounds for
permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if

it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public
toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think
that by saying 'Well, I didn't Fuck him' somehow gave you a clean slate.
So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world 'looked funny' to you
yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most
unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24
hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think
you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the
mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your
average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you
really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do.
Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like
watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,


Original article can be found here

Friday, November 28, 2008

TGIF Jam: Hypnotize

Fridays are the best day of the week. you can goof all day at work and then go home and kick it for two days. in honor of how awesome Fridays are, ever Friday I'll be posting a new jam.

This weeks song is: Notorious B.I.G. - Hypnotize

I thought that in honor of "Black Friday" we should have a Black Video. So here is one of the best rap songs ever.

I just love to see the RIDICULOUS amounts of money that were spent on videos back in the day when videos still meant something.

And just because listening to that song got me jonesen for more Bigee here's a bonus Video.

Notorious B.I.G - Big Pappa

NEXT WEEK: Techno/Dance/Electro/another name that means the same thing!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

Don't eat some much turkey you wind up like this kid.

Ryan and Megu

You have been Warned

I recieved this in an email at work the other day, and usually I just trash this kind of stuff, but with a BIG shopping season coming up, I thought I'd do my part.




Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating... You walk

across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You

start the engine and shift into Reverse.When you look into the rearv iew mirror to back out of your

parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle

of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your

doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or

whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach

the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out

of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically

mow you down as they speed off in your car.

And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car.

So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your

money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are

now compromised!


If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just

drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you

read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and

family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of

personal information and identification documents, and you

certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Fact of the Week and the Temple of Doom

In a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

The economist Kevin Murphy has calculated that in terms of long-term health implications, a cheeseburger costs $2.50 more than a salad.

That is why Big Macs have lettuce and onions on it, salad on beef.

More Toothpaste for Dinner

Monday, November 24, 2008

Boo Homework

As I think it's become apparent by now, no one should be allowed to be a parent, including me. Below is another reason to support this idea. This parent dodn't look over there child's homework and look how that turned out for them.

Mommy works at Home Depot and sells shovels. Need I say More.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Rocky Mountain Wedding

Congrats to Josh and Emily Radcliffe!!!!!

By the time most of you guys read this I'll be in Denver Colorado At the McQuinn/Radcliffe wedding. Congrats to the both of them. leave them some well wishes at

finally today I'll leave you with this cool pic

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get retarded in the Mile High City. SILVER BULLET!!!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

TGIF Jam: Deee-lite

Fridays are the best day of the week. you can goof all day at work and then go home and kick it for two days. in honor of how awesome Fridays are, ever Friday I'll be posting a new jam.

This weeks song is: Deee-Lite » Groove Is in the Heart

If your head is not bobbin after listening to this then you simply have have no soul. This song would get Christ himself out on the dance floor.

I can find almost any video ever made, so if you have a request let me know and I'll see what I can do. also make sure you check back because you'll never know what I'll pick next week, it could be anything.

NEXT WEEK: A "Black" video in honor of "Black Friday"!!!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Raiders of the Fact of the Week

In a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

According to prediction models, the expected rises on tempature and precipitation due to global warming will actually increase annual agricultural production in the U.S., and therefore agricultural profits, by about 4 percent, or $1.3 Billion.

And all of this extra food will go towards making America “Officially” the most obese nation on the planet. We’ll see no need to feed all the rest of the world with this surplus, the skinny darkies can fend for themselves.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

TGIF Jam: Nothing Left

Fridays are the best day of the week. you can goof all day at work and then go home and kick it for two days. in honor of how awesome Fridays are, ever Friday I'll be posting a new jam.

This weeks song is: As I Lay Dying » Nothing Left & As I Lay Dying » The Sound of Truth

now you may be asking your self, "self, why did he post two videos?"

well for a couple of reasons.
1. both videos are awesome
2. "The Sound of Truth" starts right where "nothing left ends at.

Nothing left

and just because i'm a nice guy (and because it neccessary)here are the lyrics to the songs.

This world was never worthy
But how can I call it unfaithful
Every promise was fulfilled
As decay crawled from it's throat
Like the dead rising from an open grave (2x)
Lips of splendor and tongue of deceit
All dying now as our fragile wrists hold only waste

Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left

Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left

(Nothing left) 2x
(There's nothing left)
(Nothing left)

If All my sorrow has led me here
Then I would cry all of my tears
To have this chance again (2x)
And know there's more than this
And know there's more than you

Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left

Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left

The Sound of Truth

We have all heard what we wanted to hear
"Truth" that sounds right to our ears


[Verse 1]
But what wisdom is there within us
To live based on the feeling of our hearts
How many times has instinct let us down
Never to be thought through
Never to be questioned
Say what you really mean
When your ambition calls you (calls you)
For what use is there, is there in praying
If you will only hear what you want to hear?


[Verse 2]
We speak of fighting to resist this world
But what about the battle within us?
If we have chosen to live against the grain
Then why are we all facing the same way?
There is no difference between us and them
If we all blindly seek truth from sentiments

If you enjoyed these songs check out RadioU they have tons of great songs with a positive, but not preachy message.

I can find almost any video ever made, so if you have a request let me know and I'll see what I can do. also make sure you check back because you'll never know what I'll pick next week, it could be anything.

NEXT WEEK: 90's electro dance music!!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Another Fact of the Week

Fact of the Week is a new feature to Lewlessons, in a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

In nineteenth-century Bavaria, excessive rain led to an increase in property crime. Why? The rain damaged the rye crop, which raised food prices, which led hungry families to steal. Violent crime, however went down. Rye was also used to make beer, so a price spike in rye led to a price spike in beer. As less beer was consumed, there were fewer assaults and murders

Monday, November 10, 2008

Beat Children

Because if you don't, they turn out like these little turds.

Praise the Lord for Birth control.


Now playing: Beast - Mr. Hurricane
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, November 6, 2008

TGIF Jam: I Think We're Alone Now

Fridays are the best day of the week. you can goof all day at work and then go home and kick it for two days. in honor of how awesome Fridays are, ever Friday I'll be posting a new jam.

This weeks song is: Tiffany - I Think We're Alone Now

This Video is absolutely TERRIBLE. all it is is just tiffany staring into the camera playing with her hair trying to look sexy while she's like 15. luckily this song is THE JAM!!

I can find almost any video ever made, so if you have a request let me know and I'll see what I can do. also make sure you check back because you'll never know what I'll pick next week, it could be anything.

NEXT WEEK: Christian Metal!!!!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Picture Wednesday?

I know that Pictures should normally go up on Monday, but I couldn't resist this once I saw it.

No matter your political position (most of you know mine) you have to admit that what happened Tuesday night way a monumental event in American history. 40 years ago people were arrested, beaten, and killed because of the color of their skin, and now 40 years later, a man can hold the highest position in this country without his skin color playing the slightest factor/

I bet he explodes it too.

I also just want to post a couple of excerpts for his acceptance speech.

In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

I read an article on CNN about the woman mentioned below and the fact that Obama brings he up in his speech was really heartwarming.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

Congratulations Mr. Obama, you are truly a great representation of the progress of this wonderful nation of ours.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Fact of the Week

Fact of the Week is a new feature to Lewlessons, in a continuing effort to educate the masses. Each week I'll post a new interesting FACT, and sometimes I'll add joke or goofy comment with it. let me know what you think.

In the lobby of a Hyatt hotel, a one-day pass for wireless Internet connection cost $10.95. Not cheap, but standard for nice hotels. In the hotel’s ballroom, however- where corporate conferences are typically held-a one-day pass costs $300. Economists refer to such a scenario as price discrimination. Economists also refer to this as some ol’ Bullsh**.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

TGIF Jam: Regulators

Fridays are the best day of the week. you can goof all day at work and then go home and kick it for two days. in honor of how awesome Fridays are, ever Friday I'll be posting a new jam.

This weeks song is:

Warren G » Regulate THIS SONG IS THE JAM!!!!

I love this song because it makes no sense whatsoever. if you really listen to the words you're like "Warren G, what the heck are you talking about?"

R.I.P. Nate Dogg

I can find almost any video ever made, so if you have a request let me know and I'll see what I can do. also make sure you check back because you'll never know what I'll pick next week, it could be anything.

NEXT WEEK: 80's pop!!!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Fact of the Week and the Last Crusade

Fact of the Week Boys and Girls!!

In the lobby of a Hyatt hotel, a one-day pass for wireless Internet connection cost $10.95. Not cheap, but standard for nice hotels. In the hotel’s ballroom, however- where corporate conferences are typically held-a one-day pass costs $300. Economists refer to such a scenario as price discrimination. Economists also refer to this as some ol’ Bullsh**.

They got the map a long time ago

This was an article published in, a well respected newspaper in Great Britain. I also saw this article on CNN.

In a discovery straight out of an Indiana Jones movie, archaeologists believe they have uncovered one of the lost mines of King Solomon.

The vast copper mine lies in an arid valley in modern-day Jordan and was created in the 10th century BC - around the time Solomon is believed to have ruled over the ancient Hebrews.

The mines are enormous and would have generated a huge income for the king, who is famed for bringing extraordinary wealth and stability to the newly-united kingdom
of Israel and Judah.

The announcement will today reopen the debate about how much of the Old Testament is myth and how much is history.

According to the Bible, Solomon was the third king of Israel. The son of King David, he was renowned for his wisdom, the size of his harem and the splendour of his kingdom.

During his reign, he is said to have accumulated a huge fortune from mining and trading, some of which was spent on building the grand temple and opulent palace of Jerusalem.

Archaeologists and treasure-hunters have searched for the mines for more than a century since the best-selling Victorian novel, King Solomon's Mines by H Rider Haggard, claimed they could hold a treasure of gold and diamonds.

But now, it seems the real version could have been closer to home, supplying the king with copper.

The ancient mine was found in a desolate region south of the Dead Sea in southern Jordan in an area called Khirbat en-Nahas, which means 'ruins of copper' in Arabic.

The region was known in the Old Testament as the Kingdom of Edom. By Solomon's time, it had become a vassal state, paying tribute to Jerusalem.

Digs at the site in the 1970s and 1980s suggested metalworking began there in the 7th century, long after the time of Solomon.

But Dr Thomas Levy, of the University of California, San Diego, and Mohammed Najjar, of Jordan's Friends of Archaeology, have dated it to the 10th century BC.

Dr Levy said: 'We have evidence that complex societies were indeed active in the 10th and 9th centuries BC and that brings us back to the debate about the historicity of the Bible narratives related to this period.

'We can't believe everything ancient writings tell us. But this research represents a confluence between the archaeological and scientific data and the Bible.'

The ancient site contains around 100 buildings, including a fortress, in the middle of 24 acres of land covered in black slag. The mine works are covered with trials and holes, and are big enough to be seen on Google Earth's satellite images.

The team also found ancient Egyptian artifacts at the site including a scarab and amulet from the 10th century BC.

When Solomon died, his kingdom was thrown into chaos and the Pharaoh Sheshonq is believed to have attempted to crush economic activity.

The findings are reported in today's issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

anyone Who's interested in Christian Apologetics (which is stuff like the article above) let me know, I've got all kinds of stuff I can Recommend.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Guess the Race Again

Some once again I it's time to to play Guess the Race, this article was simply too strange to pass up. This time I've taken out the obvius clues to the answer.

XXXXXX, XXXXXX (AP) -- A woman chopped the head off a man who allegedly tried to attack her and then paraded the head through a market in northern Xxxxx, police said Friday.

Police arrested the woman late Thursday after receiving calls from frightened witnesses who reported a blood-soaked woman holding a severed head was walking through the village, said police officer Xxxx Xxxxxx.

The woman, 35, told police she had gone to a nearby forest to cut grass for fodder for her cattle when a man attacked her from behind.

"In a bid to save her dignity she beheaded him with a sickle," (the cop) said, adding that the woman had bite marks on her neck and cheek.

The woman also told police that the man had been harassing and stalking her for three months and she had no regrets about killing him, he said, adding that she would probably be charged with culpable homicide.

So post where you think it's from and we'll see who can pick a psycho out of a crowd.
I'll post the answer in a few days with another addition of Guess the Race

Monday, October 20, 2008

A Better Awesome Artist You've Never Heard Of

DJ Kinetik is the next Awesome Artist You've never heard of. With beats for days and lyrics that take several rotations to catch everything in this cat is waitin to BLOW UP!!!!
Below is an interview I did with Kinetik. it is unabridged, unedited, and is SOUL SINCERE.

When did you first get into hip hop?
---I first remember "Mind Playing Tricks On Me" by Geto Boys back in like 1991 riding with my mom when we lived in Victorville, California riding in a Chevrolet Astro! And that was it man! Soon as I heard that beat and the way the dude was talkin (rappin) I was hooked. Then I paid more attention to hip hop over the years listening to Outkast, Do Or Die, Bone, Wu Tang Clan, then later Jay-Z real heavy and Snoop. But I didn't want to rap on other people's beats so I started making my own when I was 15 and wrote to them. Been in it ever since.

What were/are some of your influences?
---James Brown! Parliament/Funkadelic, The Police, J Dilla, Kanye, Jay-Z, 2Pac, Weather Report, Human League, Talking Heads, Radiohead, Rick Rubin...uh, John Coltrane, Bob James, George Benson, Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock, Stanley Clarke, Jaco Pastorius...Gershwin, Burt Bacharach, Hal David, Motown music, Marvin Gaye, Curtis Mayfield, Stevie Wonder...Jodeci...uh Red Hot Chili ANYTHING! LOL

What do you think of the state of hip-hop and rap music today?
I think we need more soul in it. Lot of the music sounds plastic to me ya dig? Kinda like its just lacking that SOUL in it. But I like that people are seeing how far they can take the music...hell we got techno creepin in to the music, rock showing its face, more world instruments in the beats! Some people got orchestras on the records like Kanye, some just got FL Studio and some lil video games sounds and freak it like Solja Boy. That's what hip hop is to me! DOIN YOU!

Explain to me the story behind “nap town?”
Naptown is Indianapolis, Indiana (Called Indy, Nap, Circle City as well. I've been here since 2003 and this is my new city I call home and I love it! Living downtown looking at the skyline from my penthouse roof!

Also tell us about "We the Roses?"
We The Roses is from the line in Kanye's "Roses" on Late Registration. I believe in my family and keeping it soulfully together as the fabric of my being so instead of sending flowers, we the roses...the roses you would normally send to the house or funeral home or hospital. We GO there. We ARE there. WE the roses ya dig?

Listening to songs like “I Believe” it sounds like you have a strong faith, what can you tell us about it?
That's a track I got from my boy Rusty Redenbacher.

And basically I have faith in the Lord Almighty to guide my steps in His divine wisdom and glory...that's where my faith lies. And I secondly have faith in my hard work and dedication and creativity and honesty. Its taken me thus far with a lil confidence as well.

note from Lew: this is one of the first things I heard from Kinetik, check the video

Do you have any plans for a tour or an album?
---I try to keep stuff coming out on Facebook, just actually released Kinetik Presents...AD(illa)K Tribute To J Dilla. J Dilla is one of my favorite producers/emcees of all time. He passed a few years back so I'm just rapping on his music. All the beats are by him or from a J Dilla project. I freestyled most of the CD, about 75% of it. Took about 7 hours of recording split into 3 days over 3 weeks. Never forget the experience it was amazing.

Anything else you think our audience should know?
Check me out at and just stay tuned to Lew Lessons! Remember, you're gonna get honest SOUL MUSIC from me. I talk about my life that's how I keep it pure!

I'll continue to post new things from Kinetik as he makes them available. please leave a comment and show my man some love.


Now playing: Kinetik - Killed, Saved, Built
via FoxyTunes

Friday, October 17, 2008

Ok so I know I haven't posted anything in a really long time but this was too good to ignore...and I also thought of something else to post like 5 minutes ago and now I forget.

So at work today I was sitting at my desk and I overheard a conversation involving the woman that sits behind me. She was talking to a section leader about the attendance of an associate. She said "He was written up" and then she repeated the words "written up" with disgust as if that were grammatically incorrect. Then she said "He was wrote up" as if that were grammatically correct. I literally LOL'd. And then it kind of made me sad...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Poor poor John

So I promise I won't post anymore political stuff for well over a week, but I had to show you guys this video.

You can almost pinpoint the moment when Obama kicks McCain right in his wrinkly old nads.

I'm working on a couple of different articles so check back later this weekend.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I've been Cute Since Birth

In honor of my little sister's birthday here's a pic of the lewis kids. Aren't we cute?

look at me mackin' the clip-on. we were like 6 and 3. good times.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Toothpaste for Dinner

I thought today i would shamelessly plug someone else's website for a change. Go to Toothpaste for Dinner for a new comic everyday. Here's a sample:

Thursday, October 9, 2008


It makes me sad that these people live less then 3 hours from me. BARACK THE VOTE!!!!

you gotta love the women who looks like she has one foot in the grave getting grilled on the number of interviews between Obama and Palin. and the other lady who sticks her face in the camera like 8 times.

Luckily these people live more then 8 hours away.

Points of interest
1. the old man yelling "Commy Faggot"
2. the 3 dozen old people yelling "get a job!"
3. all of the OLD people on the verge of death.

the elderly are a burden on society, they serve no purpose.

Note: the guy carrying the acorn sign has about 1/8 of a single fact, has all of the real info. also the thing about busing homeless people from state to state was actually done in ohio, BY THE REPUBLICAN SECRETARY OF STATE.


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

A personal update

So I want to apologize to everyone for the lack of updates on the site. Things have been kind of hectic in Lewis land. I moved offices, so I’m no longer downtown. Megan and I have been getting all of our financial affairs in order so that we can start the process of saving for a house. I’ve started working out regularly (I’ll post more about this in the coming days and weeks.)
Megan’s birthday is today, wish her happy birthday and I’ll post some pics of her big day soon.


Monday, October 6, 2008

A Lurker I’d love to meet.

This post is going out so someone exclusively in the mid-mid west. I’m not talking about Ohio or Indy or anywhere this close I’m talking to the person in Kansas or Nebraska or Oklahoma that loves the site. I know you’re out there, I can see you. You visit the site way to much not to be posting your opinions of things.
Let yourself be known. I’d love to do an interview with you. One that could actually stay up on the site without anyone bitching like a little girl about it. So please get in contact with me, if you’d prefer not to post a comment, email me at

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Huge Sale to help me out

Hey everyone,

In being a partner with Random the occasionally send me special offers. check out this huge sale they are having and click the link above to save on some funny shirts.

I can attest to the Quality of these shirts, as I own several. Click the link and help me support the site.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Not a Lazy Sunday

This past Sunday, The Miami valley area in Ohio experience one of the worst wind storms I’ve ever seen. Hurricane Ike slapped our poor town around like our name was Tina Turner. Here are some of the pictures we took while driving around during the storm to see the damage.

The noise that initially made us go out and investigate the damage was this huge crashing sound right outside our bedroom window. Apparently the window to our neighbors bedroom was blown out and laying in our side yard. Just off camera to the left is our driveway, so I swept all the glass into the yard and we went for a spin during the monsoon.

As soon as we turned the corner we saw this tree split right down the middle. As you can see, the wind was blowing so hard that the tarp is sideways.

I've got three cars behind me and a group of guys in a yard staring me down as I get a picture of their misfortune. I yelled tourist and kept driving.

This poor thing has seen better days

These next set of pictures is all of the same house. It’s one of the biggest in Urbana and it got hit the hardest, the brick fence is over 100 years old.

This was one of the few houses to actually get hit by a tree from their own yard.

Sucks to be them. This made the cover of the Urbana Daily Citizen, America’s only 3 page daily paper.

The Innards of the car tree.

This is the Urbana traffic square, with lights it’s one of the most dangerous intersections in America, without lights it’s a death trap where whoever drives the fastest gets to go first. Never mind the fact that state law requires that any traffic signal not working becomes a four-way stop, these idiots just tear ass right through it.

This is the backyard of the house Megan and I considered buying…Glad we didn’t.

Even in small town America there is still socio economic profiling going on. This is the “Black” street in Urbana. This is posting Friday and as of yet this power line is still not up. The storm came through Sunday afternoon. Wow.

This is the last good picture. This barrel was bouncing all over the place and holding on to that caution tape for dear life, it was kind of funny.

So I hope that everyone had power restored by now. Praise the Lord we never lost power, Jesus knows my dependency on the internet. Nearly everyone in town lost power, and I know that in the back of my mind I know this was nothing compared to what those cats in Texas got.

Give to the Red Cross.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Stupid Mushroom

This cracked me up. Enjoy everyone.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Picture Monday

Every Monday a new picture will be posted. It could be funny, sad, cute, or gross, but probably funny. Todays picture comes courtesy of Kevin Byrd from Dayton Ohio.


Kevin Byrd Myspace

Friday, September 12, 2008

Guess the Race

Today's post is something a bit different then what we've done before, it's a game we like to play called "Guess the Race?" the game is played like this: I'll present a new article and you tell me the race of the people involved in the story.

Today's article come from the very highly respected Chicago Tribune.

A West Side woman who allegedly stabbed her elderly boyfriend to death because he was drinking her beer was ordered held Thursday in lieu of $500,000 bail.

Regina Williams, 55, of the 1000 block of North Waller Avenue appeared in Cook County Bond Court before Judge Israel Desierto, charged with first-degree murder in the slaying of Willie Anderson, 77, of the 2200 block of West Monroe Street.

Just a side note, according to the website this is what it's like to live near Mrs. Regina White

Everyone of those red dots is a convicted felon. Anyway, back to the story.

About 6 p.m. Wednesday, the two were sitting in Anderson's car outside his home when Williams became angry that he was drinking her beer, authorities said. They began to quarrel, and Williams allegedly pulled a knife she carried for protection and began stabbing Anderson.

Anderson yelled for help, but Williams continued to stab him, Assistant State's Atty. Susanne Groebner told Desierto.

Afterward, Williams got out of the car and called down the street to Anderson's nephew, saying, "You better come get your uncle—I just killed him," according to her arrest report.

Groebner said Williams got back in the vehicle and finished drinking her beer.

Williams is on probation for a 2007 felony conviction for aggravated battery.

For verification the article can be found here"You better come get your uncle—I just killed him,"Pure Awesomeness.

So there you have it folks. Post what race you think these two individuals are and if you're ever sitting in a car with Regina White of Chicago Illinois, and she asks you if you would like a sip of her natty light, politely decline...and run.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Case of the Mondays

The past 24 hours have been hectic. I've worked a ton, been talked down to like a child, AND gotten to cuddle my wife. So in honor of all that here's a picture to brighten you day.
enjoy your week and I'll be in touch soon.


Thursday, September 4, 2008

Back in 2 and 2 (who doesn't love Love Connection)

I know a wonderful woman named Carrie. Carrie needs a man. She's Smart and funny and has a great job. Someone date this wonderful woman. She loves traveling and obsessing over Dave Mathews. When she reads this she will kill me. So if you don't want me to die and you're a male between the ages of 32-44 and you'd like to take this hotty to dinner, contact me at or better yet leave a comment so she can read you pining over her.


Friday, August 29, 2008

The Most Epic Battle of all time Commences Round 2

Due to the influx of emails I’ve received about the poll, it’s time to finish this thing up. Starting today the second round of The Most Epic Battle of all time will continue for the next seven days. Next Friday will be the next bracket and so on until it’s finished. I’ve timed the blogs to all post at the same time, so every Friday at 11:00 P.M. a new poll will go up until we’re done. I've started using a new poll system, so vote until your blue in the face.


P.S. A great new post is going up Monday that I think a lot of people will really enjoy. check back Monday after 4 PM

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I am not batgirl...

So I just wanted to let everyone know that I got bit by a bat Saturday night. I'll let that soak in for a sec, that's right, a bat.

Ryan and I were asleep and I felt something hitting my arm. I thought it was Ryan, but when I looked, his hands were nowhere near my arm. So then I thought, "Maybe I was dreaming," although I was really in denial. So I decided to just go back to sleep. A minute later, I hear the bathroom door creak. So I flip on my back and I see it fly over the bed. I thought maybe it was just a flutter in my eye or something (still in denial) but I saw it again. So I hit Ryan and said, "THERE IS A BAT IN THIS ROOM AND IT HIT MY DAGGON ARM!!!" So he wakes up and says "I see it too." Then it flew into the living room.

Ryan gets up and grabs the tennis racket. We've started keeping a tennis racket in the living room because this makes bat #4 this year. The bat flies in between the living room and the kitchen a few times and then disappears. Ryan calls upstairs to my dad and says "Oh Steve-O, we have a visitor... and it has wings" So while my mom is yelling "Shut that door!" my dad comes downstairs and they try to find the bat. But they can't. So we decide to go back to bed and barricade ourselves in our bedroom.

Sunday morning, I wake up and there is a scratch and a bite mark on my arm where I felt the bat flapping the night before. The bat came out again Sunday night while Ryan and I were gone but my dad still couldn't catch it. It was seriously the smartest bat ever. Ryan thinks they're being genetically engineered next door. So my dad decides to stay up until 5 in the morning to see if it will fly out again. It didn't. I wake up Monday to get ready for work and go into the kitchen to fix my lunch. I turn on the light and I see it hanging from the curtains. So I wake up Ryan and he gets the racket and hits it, but it flies out from under it, circles the living/dining room area a couple times and then decides to hide in our bedroom. And we can't find it again. So I finish getting ready while Ryan lies under the covers with a tennis racket in his hand waiting for it to come out. It doesn't.

I go to work and my dad stays home to wait for it to come out and it doesn't. I got home last night and went to the ER to be vaccinated for rabies. The doctor said it definitely looked like a puncture wound on my arm. So I get a tetanus shot and 3 shots in my hips of the vaccination. I came home from the ER last night and it still wasn't out and the kitchen had been blocked off with a sheet in case the thing tried to hide in there again.

So we have dinner and then go into the living room and wait. When it got dark, we turned the lights out and the TV down and waited. Then it came out. Ryan and my dad both didn't see it so I yell "There it is!!" and run into the bedroom and close the door so it couldn't fly back in there. From the bedroom I can hear my dad and Ryan swinging the tennis racket and then I hear, "You've got to be kidding me!" Apparently, the thing had disappeared again. So they move the quilt cabinet in the corner of the dining room and it's hiding in the corner underneath it. It comes out and Ryan smashes it with the racket while my dad gets a shoe and beats it to death. Then we put it in a mason jar to take to the health department. They'll test it for rabies and if it is negative, I don't have to get the other 3 shots. Needless to say, the 3 shots I got last night have made me feel very sick so I am home from work today. Thanks for the day off rabies!

"You've lived a lie for so long, now you believe it"

I found this video and feel that everyone should watch it. there are better video's out there but this one is simple and to the point.

1. McCain is an idiot and a liar.
2. Look at the Picture of Mr. Samuel J. Gopher and play the clip.
3. You don't even need to watch the clip, just listen to it and concentrate on the gopher.
4. Realize that McCain never comes close to answering her question.
5. Crack up and share this with a friend.

Friday, August 22, 2008

"It's like bringing a Knife to a Gun Fight"

The post below is something I wrote to myself like two years ago and
never did anything with. below is what transpired and my thoughts
since then at the end.

Last week I go over to josh and troy’s place to kick it and study
some Romans and all that jazz and I bring up the subject of
vacationing with our significant others and the response I get back
from both is EXACTLY THE SAME.

Troy says “I’ve thought about going up to Chicago with Lindsay with
my friends and her friends but nothing where we would stay the night,
that just wouldn't be a good thing.”

And then josh chimes in, “ I couldn’t put myself in that situation.”
To Which I reply, “Why?”

“Man, I just think the temptation would be to great for something
like that.”

Sheesh. Am I smarter then everyone around me, or just that naïve. I
am really that dumb to think I can travel to the big city, get a

hotel room, and not get super coital. Apparently my self control is
better then that of my associates. We set boundaries early on in our
relationship, and I’m expected to respect those boundaries, as is
she. It’s not like they’re pumping Viagra into the Chicago water
supply just because they know I’m coming. I don’t forsee as soon as I
step into the hotel room, megu slams the door, yells “have your way
with me” and then runs to jump on top of me. (Editor’s Note: not that
I would be opposed to this at all, but ya never know, stranger things
have happened.)*1

I guess this brings me to this whole idea of “!!!CHRISTIAN DATING!!!”
The rules and regulations that “couples” put themselves through are
both unnatural and petty.

“We’re not kissing until we’re engaged.”

“We don’t hold hands.”

“We don’t do things like that.”

No, What you don’t do is act normal.*2

Most people don’t know this but there were actually 15 commandments
but Moses drop one of them tablets (They’re heavy) but researchers
have actually found them and I present them to you now.








I didn’t know God had such a since of humor, but hey he created
manatees so you can’t put much past him. My favorite has to be 12. it
should have been a law in like 2kings or Hosea or something that said
before a guy proposes to a girl he should get to make out with her
for like 10 minutes to know what’s what. I would be livid if I
married a chick and the night of the honeymoon you get your first
smooch and it’s like kissing a camel. Just thank the Lord that I’m
not a divorce court judge, if a dude came in and was like, “look,
judge, sleeping with this woman is like having sex with a buffalo.”

“judgment for the plaintiff.”

Now, granted I am being a little phecieous, but you get my point. And
no I’m not talking about rampant Sex in the middle of the street but
on the same token you should be knowledgeable of your partner and
their body. Bottom line, just take the time smooch on your chick a
little bit, she’ll want you too. And if she doesn’t, then get rid of
her because chances are she’s more trouble then she’s worth.

*1 This has since happened, which is AWESOME, love you doodlebug ;)

*2 I know that if certain people read this (namely josh and Troy)
that I'm going to catch alot of crap for it, but you know what, when
I wrote this originally, I thought it and you what, I still do.


After thoughts

After rereading that, I stand by it. I'll concede to that fact that
the relationship Megan and I have is not exactly what you would call
normal, but it's the best one I've ever been in. I want to make it
clear that I have all the respect in the world for someone who
chooses to have this kind of relationship, it's weird and doesn't
make you anymore sanctified then me, but I'm not going to disrespect

Now playing: A Perfect Circle - Renholdër
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, August 21, 2008

"A lust for complete nothingness"

Let me preface this Post. I LOVE MY WIFE!!!
but if she ever leaves me, I'm finding one of these chicks.


- Watch more free videos

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

"Mediocrity is the killer"

I went through my computer last night and found all of these old notes I had written to myself. I'll post another one Friday but below is one from my days at NBA. this was written sometime during the summer of 2006.

Today at work this supervisor Christine, who if she was a guy would be renamed Mike Hunt, asked me if I’ve ever heard of a guy named Gerry Rafferty.

I’m like “no, got no clue.” Didn’t know if he was a client, a new hire or what.

She said, “he wrote Boston ave. the song, you know it.”

“No Christine, got no clue.”

“Oh, come on, he was a famous singer in the 70’s and 80’s, you should know him.”

‘Christine, I wasn’t born until 1983, and no, I’ve never heard of him.”

“Really! How old are you?”

“…uh, I’m 25.”

“Wow, your kidding me, your that young. I thought you were in your 30’s”

“wow. 30 huh. Errrite. That’s cool.”

“No. you know. Just the way you are. I just thought you were older that’s all.”

“Well, my hemorrhoids have been itching lately and as of late it does feel like my hair is thinning.”


And at that point, knowing my humor was lost on her, I turned around and put my face on my desk.

So because I pride my self on education and enjoy obtaining knowledge, automatically I’m middle aged. That’s kind of depressing. I take time out of my day to educate all of these idiots that they insist on placing around me at work, and that’s the thanks I get.

The real problem lies in the fact that half of the things I want to say I’m not allowed to and the other half is so condescending that no one would understand them anyways.

I know that’s a very elitist mentality but it’s just the way I feel. Most people are completely complacent with where they are in their lives and that’s just depressing. There are so many things out there in the world to see and do and experience that anyone who just wants to go home watch TV would just be taken out back and shot, society has no use for you. I know that sounds like a terrible thing to say but the only benefit that these people have is I still need someone to screw up my taco bell order and I still need someone give me the wrong change when I get gas, and until they make a completely self sufficient machine, I still need someone to pickup my garbage. I mean sweet juicy Jesus, read a book. And the author needs to have a PH, D. after his name. and no before you ask Dr. Atkins and Dr. Phil don’t count (Dr. Phil has his own circle of hell waiting on him.)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Random Thought Hump Day

So rather then one big blog today, I thought i would post a bunch of little blogs. So below is the first edition of Random Thought Hump Day.

1. The list of words that are but fun that I'm not allowed to say is growing: RETARD. which is sad, I love the word RETARD

2. Kent and Farno are getting married, Congrats to them. Stay single Martin, Brooklyn needs a Bachelor.

3. What is the Revolution Church? it sounds interesting, someone let me know.

4. The Internet was down last night. I think I may be addicted.

5. the Reds suck and have no one worth seeing, yet an hour of driving and spending 60 bucks sounds like a good idea.

6.The new Norma Jean album is great, everyone should give it a listen.

7.Megan and I want to start a business. Who likes pickles, jelly and pasta sauce?

8. the posting contest ends Friday, HAVE YOU ENTERED?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

"You wear that Cross like a Dagger"

HOUSTON (AP) — Renowned evangelical pastor Joel Osteen told jurors Friday that his wife never assaulted a flight attendant over a small spill on her airplane seat.

Osteen was called as a witness Friday in the civil trial of a lawsuit filed by Continental Airlines flight attendant Sharon Brown, who has accused Victoria Osteen of assaulting her before the start of a 2005 flight to Vail, Colo.

During nearly two hours of testimony, Joel Osteen, who was on the same flight, said the incident was "an unfortunate misunderstanding" stemming from his wife's requests for flight attendants to clean up a spill on the armrest of her first-class seat.

Ok, first of all, the article doesn't say the flight attendant spilled the drink on her or even spilled the drink at all. From this point Mrs. Osteen really starts to shine.

Victoria Osteen said when she first told a flight attendant about the spill, she was handed some napkins. She said she responded, "'It's not my job.' I didn't say it in an ugly tone of voice."

"We would never disrespect authority or disrespect (Brown). There's no way in the world," Victoria Osteen assaulted Brown, said Joel Osteen, who was called to the witness stand by Brown's attorney, Reginald McKamie.

Osteen then serenaded the courtroom with his split tongue southern draw, "I'm too busy counting the millions I've made from the suckers who have bought my books to disrespect authority."

Then just in case you have you have no clue who these people are or why you should care about any of this...

Joel and Victoria Osteen are co-pastors of Houston's Lakewood Church, which draws about 42,000 people each week for services. Joel Osteen's weekly television address is broadcast nationally and internationally and who has written books that have been sold around the globe.

On Thursday, another flight attendant on the plane, Maria Johnson, testified that Victoria Osteen demanded special attention to clean up the small spill. When she didn't get her way, Osteen became verbally and physically abusive to both flight attendants, eventually grabbing Brown by the shoulders, elbowing her in the chest( note: I've also heard it was "the left breast" CAT FIGHT and pushing her out of the way in an attempt to get into the cockpit, Johnson testified.

Brown claims in her lawsuit that after pushing her, Victoria Osteen tried to get into the cockpit. Victoria Osteen denied that, telling jurors she just wanted to get away from the situation.

I've flown first class, and it ain't that big. "Away from the situation," where are you going babes, from the front of the closet to the back of the closet? Retard.

McKamie also asked Joel Osteen why he said in one of his religious messages that if it wasn't for him, his wife would be in prison.

Osteen said he meant it to be a comical statement about the differences between him and his wife, that he likes routine and considers himself boring while his wife is outgoing and likes to go to new restaurants and new places.

"You don't go to jail because you like different restaurants, do you?" McKamie asked, as the packed courtroom laughed.

"No sir," Joel Osteen said.

I have no clue why this is in the article or why it's relevant. what a douche. make that a douche nozzle, that's the business end.

McKamie also asked Osteen whether his family was used to getting special treatment, making reference to an anecdote in one of the pastor's books in which he wrote about being allowed to take an expensive television camera onboard a flight to India even though it was against the rules.

"You feel that you're entitled to the favor of God ... to do things other people can't do," McKamie said.

"All of God's children are," Osteen said.

"and by "all of God's children" I mean anyone who has ever prayed for Jesus to mail them money because I've told them to," Osteen added.

Brown has claimed the flight attendants asked to have Victoria Osteen removed from the plane, but Joel Osteen testified he and his family left voluntarily.

The Federal Aviation Administration fined Victoria Osteen $3,000 for interfering with a crew member.

Joel Osteen said his wife did not want to pay the fine but he convinced her to do so because he thought it would be a way to put the incident behind them even though they felt they did nothing wrong.

Brown wants an apology and punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of Victoria Osteen's net worth as part of her lawsuit. Brown claims she suffers from depression and post-traumatic stress disorder because of the incident and that her faith has been affected. She is also suing for counseling expenses.

Dear parishioners of Lakewood Church, y'all better pass the offering plate around again this week, because when Vicki spills her third rum and coke on her arm rest, someone's gonna get a titty twister.