Friday, August 29, 2008

The Most Epic Battle of all time Commences Round 2

Due to the influx of emails I’ve received about the poll, it’s time to finish this thing up. Starting today the second round of The Most Epic Battle of all time will continue for the next seven days. Next Friday will be the next bracket and so on until it’s finished. I’ve timed the blogs to all post at the same time, so every Friday at 11:00 P.M. a new poll will go up until we’re done. I've started using a new poll system, so vote until your blue in the face.


P.S. A great new post is going up Monday that I think a lot of people will really enjoy. check back Monday after 4 PM

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I am not batgirl...

So I just wanted to let everyone know that I got bit by a bat Saturday night. I'll let that soak in for a sec, that's right, a bat.

Ryan and I were asleep and I felt something hitting my arm. I thought it was Ryan, but when I looked, his hands were nowhere near my arm. So then I thought, "Maybe I was dreaming," although I was really in denial. So I decided to just go back to sleep. A minute later, I hear the bathroom door creak. So I flip on my back and I see it fly over the bed. I thought maybe it was just a flutter in my eye or something (still in denial) but I saw it again. So I hit Ryan and said, "THERE IS A BAT IN THIS ROOM AND IT HIT MY DAGGON ARM!!!" So he wakes up and says "I see it too." Then it flew into the living room.

Ryan gets up and grabs the tennis racket. We've started keeping a tennis racket in the living room because this makes bat #4 this year. The bat flies in between the living room and the kitchen a few times and then disappears. Ryan calls upstairs to my dad and says "Oh Steve-O, we have a visitor... and it has wings" So while my mom is yelling "Shut that door!" my dad comes downstairs and they try to find the bat. But they can't. So we decide to go back to bed and barricade ourselves in our bedroom.

Sunday morning, I wake up and there is a scratch and a bite mark on my arm where I felt the bat flapping the night before. The bat came out again Sunday night while Ryan and I were gone but my dad still couldn't catch it. It was seriously the smartest bat ever. Ryan thinks they're being genetically engineered next door. So my dad decides to stay up until 5 in the morning to see if it will fly out again. It didn't. I wake up Monday to get ready for work and go into the kitchen to fix my lunch. I turn on the light and I see it hanging from the curtains. So I wake up Ryan and he gets the racket and hits it, but it flies out from under it, circles the living/dining room area a couple times and then decides to hide in our bedroom. And we can't find it again. So I finish getting ready while Ryan lies under the covers with a tennis racket in his hand waiting for it to come out. It doesn't.

I go to work and my dad stays home to wait for it to come out and it doesn't. I got home last night and went to the ER to be vaccinated for rabies. The doctor said it definitely looked like a puncture wound on my arm. So I get a tetanus shot and 3 shots in my hips of the vaccination. I came home from the ER last night and it still wasn't out and the kitchen had been blocked off with a sheet in case the thing tried to hide in there again.

So we have dinner and then go into the living room and wait. When it got dark, we turned the lights out and the TV down and waited. Then it came out. Ryan and my dad both didn't see it so I yell "There it is!!" and run into the bedroom and close the door so it couldn't fly back in there. From the bedroom I can hear my dad and Ryan swinging the tennis racket and then I hear, "You've got to be kidding me!" Apparently, the thing had disappeared again. So they move the quilt cabinet in the corner of the dining room and it's hiding in the corner underneath it. It comes out and Ryan smashes it with the racket while my dad gets a shoe and beats it to death. Then we put it in a mason jar to take to the health department. They'll test it for rabies and if it is negative, I don't have to get the other 3 shots. Needless to say, the 3 shots I got last night have made me feel very sick so I am home from work today. Thanks for the day off rabies!

"You've lived a lie for so long, now you believe it"

I found this video and feel that everyone should watch it. there are better video's out there but this one is simple and to the point.

1. McCain is an idiot and a liar.
2. Look at the Picture of Mr. Samuel J. Gopher and play the clip.
3. You don't even need to watch the clip, just listen to it and concentrate on the gopher.
4. Realize that McCain never comes close to answering her question.
5. Crack up and share this with a friend.

Friday, August 22, 2008

"It's like bringing a Knife to a Gun Fight"

The post below is something I wrote to myself like two years ago and
never did anything with. below is what transpired and my thoughts
since then at the end.

Last week I go over to josh and troy’s place to kick it and study
some Romans and all that jazz and I bring up the subject of
vacationing with our significant others and the response I get back
from both is EXACTLY THE SAME.

Troy says “I’ve thought about going up to Chicago with Lindsay with
my friends and her friends but nothing where we would stay the night,
that just wouldn't be a good thing.”

And then josh chimes in, “ I couldn’t put myself in that situation.”
To Which I reply, “Why?”

“Man, I just think the temptation would be to great for something
like that.”

Sheesh. Am I smarter then everyone around me, or just that naïve. I
am really that dumb to think I can travel to the big city, get a

hotel room, and not get super coital. Apparently my self control is
better then that of my associates. We set boundaries early on in our
relationship, and I’m expected to respect those boundaries, as is
she. It’s not like they’re pumping Viagra into the Chicago water
supply just because they know I’m coming. I don’t forsee as soon as I
step into the hotel room, megu slams the door, yells “have your way
with me” and then runs to jump on top of me. (Editor’s Note: not that
I would be opposed to this at all, but ya never know, stranger things
have happened.)*1

I guess this brings me to this whole idea of “!!!CHRISTIAN DATING!!!”
The rules and regulations that “couples” put themselves through are
both unnatural and petty.

“We’re not kissing until we’re engaged.”

“We don’t hold hands.”

“We don’t do things like that.”

No, What you don’t do is act normal.*2

Most people don’t know this but there were actually 15 commandments
but Moses drop one of them tablets (They’re heavy) but researchers
have actually found them and I present them to you now.








I didn’t know God had such a since of humor, but hey he created
manatees so you can’t put much past him. My favorite has to be 12. it
should have been a law in like 2kings or Hosea or something that said
before a guy proposes to a girl he should get to make out with her
for like 10 minutes to know what’s what. I would be livid if I
married a chick and the night of the honeymoon you get your first
smooch and it’s like kissing a camel. Just thank the Lord that I’m
not a divorce court judge, if a dude came in and was like, “look,
judge, sleeping with this woman is like having sex with a buffalo.”

“judgment for the plaintiff.”

Now, granted I am being a little phecieous, but you get my point. And
no I’m not talking about rampant Sex in the middle of the street but
on the same token you should be knowledgeable of your partner and
their body. Bottom line, just take the time smooch on your chick a
little bit, she’ll want you too. And if she doesn’t, then get rid of
her because chances are she’s more trouble then she’s worth.

*1 This has since happened, which is AWESOME, love you doodlebug ;)

*2 I know that if certain people read this (namely josh and Troy)
that I'm going to catch alot of crap for it, but you know what, when
I wrote this originally, I thought it and you what, I still do.


After thoughts

After rereading that, I stand by it. I'll concede to that fact that
the relationship Megan and I have is not exactly what you would call
normal, but it's the best one I've ever been in. I want to make it
clear that I have all the respect in the world for someone who
chooses to have this kind of relationship, it's weird and doesn't
make you anymore sanctified then me, but I'm not going to disrespect

Now playing: A Perfect Circle - Renholdër
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, August 21, 2008

"A lust for complete nothingness"

Let me preface this Post. I LOVE MY WIFE!!!
but if she ever leaves me, I'm finding one of these chicks.


- Watch more free videos

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

"Mediocrity is the killer"

I went through my computer last night and found all of these old notes I had written to myself. I'll post another one Friday but below is one from my days at NBA. this was written sometime during the summer of 2006.

Today at work this supervisor Christine, who if she was a guy would be renamed Mike Hunt, asked me if I’ve ever heard of a guy named Gerry Rafferty.

I’m like “no, got no clue.” Didn’t know if he was a client, a new hire or what.

She said, “he wrote Boston ave. the song, you know it.”

“No Christine, got no clue.”

“Oh, come on, he was a famous singer in the 70’s and 80’s, you should know him.”

‘Christine, I wasn’t born until 1983, and no, I’ve never heard of him.”

“Really! How old are you?”

“…uh, I’m 25.”

“Wow, your kidding me, your that young. I thought you were in your 30’s”

“wow. 30 huh. Errrite. That’s cool.”

“No. you know. Just the way you are. I just thought you were older that’s all.”

“Well, my hemorrhoids have been itching lately and as of late it does feel like my hair is thinning.”


And at that point, knowing my humor was lost on her, I turned around and put my face on my desk.

So because I pride my self on education and enjoy obtaining knowledge, automatically I’m middle aged. That’s kind of depressing. I take time out of my day to educate all of these idiots that they insist on placing around me at work, and that’s the thanks I get.

The real problem lies in the fact that half of the things I want to say I’m not allowed to and the other half is so condescending that no one would understand them anyways.

I know that’s a very elitist mentality but it’s just the way I feel. Most people are completely complacent with where they are in their lives and that’s just depressing. There are so many things out there in the world to see and do and experience that anyone who just wants to go home watch TV would just be taken out back and shot, society has no use for you. I know that sounds like a terrible thing to say but the only benefit that these people have is I still need someone to screw up my taco bell order and I still need someone give me the wrong change when I get gas, and until they make a completely self sufficient machine, I still need someone to pickup my garbage. I mean sweet juicy Jesus, read a book. And the author needs to have a PH, D. after his name. and no before you ask Dr. Atkins and Dr. Phil don’t count (Dr. Phil has his own circle of hell waiting on him.)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Random Thought Hump Day

So rather then one big blog today, I thought i would post a bunch of little blogs. So below is the first edition of Random Thought Hump Day.

1. The list of words that are but fun that I'm not allowed to say is growing: RETARD. which is sad, I love the word RETARD

2. Kent and Farno are getting married, Congrats to them. Stay single Martin, Brooklyn needs a Bachelor.

3. What is the Revolution Church? it sounds interesting, someone let me know.

4. The Internet was down last night. I think I may be addicted.

5. the Reds suck and have no one worth seeing, yet an hour of driving and spending 60 bucks sounds like a good idea.

6.The new Norma Jean album is great, everyone should give it a listen.

7.Megan and I want to start a business. Who likes pickles, jelly and pasta sauce?

8. the posting contest ends Friday, HAVE YOU ENTERED?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

"You wear that Cross like a Dagger"

HOUSTON (AP) — Renowned evangelical pastor Joel Osteen told jurors Friday that his wife never assaulted a flight attendant over a small spill on her airplane seat.

Osteen was called as a witness Friday in the civil trial of a lawsuit filed by Continental Airlines flight attendant Sharon Brown, who has accused Victoria Osteen of assaulting her before the start of a 2005 flight to Vail, Colo.

During nearly two hours of testimony, Joel Osteen, who was on the same flight, said the incident was "an unfortunate misunderstanding" stemming from his wife's requests for flight attendants to clean up a spill on the armrest of her first-class seat.

Ok, first of all, the article doesn't say the flight attendant spilled the drink on her or even spilled the drink at all. From this point Mrs. Osteen really starts to shine.

Victoria Osteen said when she first told a flight attendant about the spill, she was handed some napkins. She said she responded, "'It's not my job.' I didn't say it in an ugly tone of voice."

"We would never disrespect authority or disrespect (Brown). There's no way in the world," Victoria Osteen assaulted Brown, said Joel Osteen, who was called to the witness stand by Brown's attorney, Reginald McKamie.

Osteen then serenaded the courtroom with his split tongue southern draw, "I'm too busy counting the millions I've made from the suckers who have bought my books to disrespect authority."

Then just in case you have you have no clue who these people are or why you should care about any of this...

Joel and Victoria Osteen are co-pastors of Houston's Lakewood Church, which draws about 42,000 people each week for services. Joel Osteen's weekly television address is broadcast nationally and internationally and who has written books that have been sold around the globe.

On Thursday, another flight attendant on the plane, Maria Johnson, testified that Victoria Osteen demanded special attention to clean up the small spill. When she didn't get her way, Osteen became verbally and physically abusive to both flight attendants, eventually grabbing Brown by the shoulders, elbowing her in the chest( note: I've also heard it was "the left breast" CAT FIGHT and pushing her out of the way in an attempt to get into the cockpit, Johnson testified.

Brown claims in her lawsuit that after pushing her, Victoria Osteen tried to get into the cockpit. Victoria Osteen denied that, telling jurors she just wanted to get away from the situation.

I've flown first class, and it ain't that big. "Away from the situation," where are you going babes, from the front of the closet to the back of the closet? Retard.

McKamie also asked Joel Osteen why he said in one of his religious messages that if it wasn't for him, his wife would be in prison.

Osteen said he meant it to be a comical statement about the differences between him and his wife, that he likes routine and considers himself boring while his wife is outgoing and likes to go to new restaurants and new places.

"You don't go to jail because you like different restaurants, do you?" McKamie asked, as the packed courtroom laughed.

"No sir," Joel Osteen said.

I have no clue why this is in the article or why it's relevant. what a douche. make that a douche nozzle, that's the business end.

McKamie also asked Osteen whether his family was used to getting special treatment, making reference to an anecdote in one of the pastor's books in which he wrote about being allowed to take an expensive television camera onboard a flight to India even though it was against the rules.

"You feel that you're entitled to the favor of God ... to do things other people can't do," McKamie said.

"All of God's children are," Osteen said.

"and by "all of God's children" I mean anyone who has ever prayed for Jesus to mail them money because I've told them to," Osteen added.

Brown has claimed the flight attendants asked to have Victoria Osteen removed from the plane, but Joel Osteen testified he and his family left voluntarily.

The Federal Aviation Administration fined Victoria Osteen $3,000 for interfering with a crew member.

Joel Osteen said his wife did not want to pay the fine but he convinced her to do so because he thought it would be a way to put the incident behind them even though they felt they did nothing wrong.

Brown wants an apology and punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of Victoria Osteen's net worth as part of her lawsuit. Brown claims she suffers from depression and post-traumatic stress disorder because of the incident and that her faith has been affected. She is also suing for counseling expenses.

Dear parishioners of Lakewood Church, y'all better pass the offering plate around again this week, because when Vicki spills her third rum and coke on her arm rest, someone's gonna get a titty twister.

Friday, August 8, 2008

That's Hot

So first of all, let me say that I heart tomatoes. I got some from a guy at work and just ate one and it was delicious. Now onto the dumb comment of the day...

A lady at work today said that Paris Hilton was the reason other nations don't respect the United States. Let me put this into context. We were watching CNN at lunch and they were talking about the video Paris Hilton did in response to John McCain's political ad. (Ryan note: If you haven't see it, I embedded it below)

They were showing some comments that people had given and one said something along the lines of I'd rather have Paris Hilton in politics than John McCain in a sex video (which I totally agree with btw...eww). That's when the lady said that Paris Hilton was the reason other nations didn't respect the United States. And it wasn't like a "other nations don't respect the US because of things or people like Paris Hilton" kind of comment, it was a "Specifically, Paris Hilton is the reason other nations don't respect the US" kind of comment. While I do agree that Paris Hilton is an embarassment to this country, she is more than likely not the reason we garner such little respect from some nations. Most of it probably has to do with the moral compass (or lack thereof) of this country as a whole, as well as the crap job our nation's leader has done.

So, question of the day: Who/what do you think is responsible for our country's lack of respect?

Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Most Epic Battle of all time Commences Part 4

Hello guys and dolls, so I've finally gotten around to posting the next poll so we can finish this little project up. This round will be the one I'm most truly worried about simply because I think no one listens to any of these bands so no one will vote. but I vote and my vote is heaviest anyways.
I also put in a new feature for everyone. I changed how the polls go, so that means that everyone gets one extra vote per poll, SO VOTE AGAIN!!!
finally make sure you leave a comment so you can win so cash (see me look like a dumbass below) but more importantly then winning cash, you can stop DUG from winning the money, because it will break my heart to give it to him.

Since this is the last single round of brackets and we move to the big dog rounds next week I'm more then will to listen to suggestions to see how it should be setup. until next time.


Question of the day: do you remember the show "You Can't Do That on Television"? if so, what was your favorite part?